Is Expecting less of self or life the key to happiness?

Posted by $ Olduglycarl 1 year, 6 months ago to Culture
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A Doctor Explains His Prescription for Happiness

In the article the women's age or generation was not revealed. If she was a Millennial, that would be understandable. They have been taught that they are great with no evidence what so ever that they possess any greatness...whether they actually won or failed at anything was a moot point in their upbringing...they were doomed to be disappointed.

However, what about everyone else...are normal Americans just geared to expect more of themselves?;...and to what extent do we expect more of our selves? By who's definition?..this might be a key aspect as well.

I think it all comes down to knowing your strengths, what your good at, your essence and what activity causes you to be happy. One's "Friday Night Essence" so to speak. (what activity do you have to be dragged away from in order to engage in your favorite activity on a Friday night.)

Many of us, eventually figure this out but millennial's were blindsided from the start. They were never allowed to just observe, enjoy or engage the world on their own when young either.

But, perhaps the prescription is correct in the sense that one should not just sit on one's collective butt and worry, obsess or indulge in self pity.

Looking on the bright side and appreciating the little things, nature and doing or trying something new is always a good thing.

[Now, if we were talking about government...expecting less of a government charged with doing very little in the first place, would make me...ecstatic! However, with a government that has assumed to do more than what it is charged with doing and epically failing every time...one has no choice but to expect less until we fill it with people that expect more from themselves...and can deliver!]

SOURCE URL: https://www.intellectualtakeout.org/article/doctor-explains-his-prescription-happiness


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  • Posted by $ mminnick 1 year, 6 months ago
    Expecting less and getting happiness is a sign of being a looter. Why would expecting less of yourself do anything other than lower your standards for everything. Eventually you expect nothing of yourself and thus have to depend upon others to provide for you since you don'r really giv a &^%$ about yoursdelf or others and can survive if others don do for you.
    Expect less is a really stupid concept.
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    • Posted by $ 1 year, 6 months ago
      I think the idea was that her expectations were unrealistic compared to her will or skill to achieve them.
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      • Posted by $ mminnick 1 year, 6 months ago
        That may be true. I think that if you really want something and you lack the skills or determination to get it you can:
        1. Learn the skills and drive on or
        2. Develop self discipline and get the determination to get the skills and drive on toward what you want.

        You can always improve yourself unless you are in some way physically prevented from improving (injury, illness etc)
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        • Posted by term2 1 year, 6 months ago
          I can tell you I am happier when I work hard at something than if I dont. Usually it involves pushing against some goal that brings the best feelings.
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        • Posted by $ 1 year, 6 months ago
          My guess, from the article, was that she wanted to be something she wasn't cut out to be, no essence or natural ability to do it.

          She just wanted to be something for the sake of being that thing. Her idea of success did not align with her natural abilities.

          That is what discovering one's Friday Night Essence was all about and likely it is the last thing one expects or thinks they want.

          Mine was writing...never would of guessed. Fortunately for me, I had many essences and interests but all and all, learning, researching and writing makes me the happiest.
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  • Posted by gafisher 1 year, 6 months ago
    Don't "expect" anything. Demand what you earn - no more, no less - and learn from what you get. But above all, don't set low goals so you can be sure of hitting them, set high goals - even exorbitant ones - so you'll always be stretching yourself.
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  • Posted by $ DeangalvinFL 1 year, 6 months ago
    Expecting less of life is probably quite wise.
    Expecting less of self is a road to hell (in my opinion).
    Whatever joy there is, it will primarily be you putting it there; or you noticing and enjoying it.
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    • Posted by $ 1 year, 6 months ago
      That was my take as well...notice though, she was depressed because she hadn't achieved fame or notoriety...those things usually bring you problems.
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      • Posted by $ allosaur 1 year, 6 months ago
        Being rich and famous isn't the road to happiness for some people. Some seek mental health care and/or blow their brains out and/or overdose liquor and/or drugs.. Such stories are always in the news.
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  • Posted by $ Stormi 1 year, 6 months ago
    As is usual with psychology, this is an over-simplification. Being realistic is more accurate. If you see what is right for the self, not for the acceptance of others, you are a step closer. Entertainment industry success is a hollow deceptive victory. Success is being true to yourself and dong it for your own sake, not to get feedback from others. Expectations of others is never a key to happiness. I did like the suggestion to read an older book. Opening your mind to expansion is always a good thing, be it for advancing your knwoledge in a certain area, or learning enough about the looters to avoid the traps. Avoiding things like faux sophistication, being as authentic as possible, always responsible for yourself, all promote happiness. I once had an editor who was unnerved because I smiled a lot, he would ask why I was smiling. I was usually engrossed in my work and in a zone of creativity, but somehow he felt threatened. Happiness seems to scare some poeple, especially if they have lived as convoluted a life as he had.
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  • Posted by chad 1 year, 6 months ago
    I don't think expecting less is the key to being happy with oneself and your accomplishments. You should always strive to be more, learn more, create more no matter what profession you choose to endeavor in. You don't have to be unhappy because you are not the top yet. In fact if you strive to improve something or create something it will always provide inspiration to do even more and you can find fulfillment in outdoing yourself. Don't compare yourself to others or wait for the 'crowd' to declare you are the best. Observe and use your own gradients to determine if you have arrived. For those who would be famous they are always striving to find acceptance of the mob, not of themselves. When you achieve outstanding results there will be few who truly recognize you for what you have done. Don't strive to appease the collective, few of them ever realize anything more than you are recognized by many. The Kardashians would be a good example. I don't know of anything they have done other than appease to the desire of the collective to be recognized, people want to be with them, associated with them or more recognized than they are to feel they have accomplished something in their life. After once accidentally stumbling onto an interview with them I realized that I have already spent more time (3 minutes) with them than I ever care to do again.
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  • Posted by $ mshupe 1 year, 6 months ago
    Isn't the title question a package deal? Conflating two unrelated concepts into an incoherent idea that sounds good? The expectations of life half is deterministic. The expectations of self half is romantic. Happiness can only be achieved through rational pursuit of individual values, the romantic side that only we can control. Or is something amiss in my analysis?
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    • Posted by $ 1 year, 6 months ago
      Life may deal one hardships and obstacles but one's happiness is up to one's self and overall, helps one deal with life's twists and turns.
      So in a sense, they are interdependent.
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  • Posted by Herb7734 1 year, 6 months ago
    I wonder if great thinkers and doers expected less of themselves. If so, does that mean that had they expected more, we would have gotten a 10nth symphony from Beethoven, or the next phase of quantum physics from Einstein, but because they wanted to be happy they stopped at a certain point? Expecting less means doing less and having less. I fail to see how that creates happiness.
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    • Posted by $ 1 year, 6 months ago
      Agreed, but this generation overall, lacks the necessary motivation to do more...they were brought up to think they are already the best.

      They think it will all happen automatically, it's expected.
      They also expect to achieve at the same level as the greatest before them with nothing to back it up...again, they have been taught equal outcomes and that we are all exactly the same.

      But I think, what the article is trying to get across, is that if it bothers you that much to make you depressed, then you should try to observe all that is around you in the moment, being preoccupied with what your not, hides the forest with the trees.
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  • Posted by teri-amborn 1 year, 6 months ago
    Having a "self" is the starting point.
    Children don't have enough time alone for introspection. It is necessary for life and developing a "self".

    Personally, I never compare myself to others nor do I compete with others. Much of my time is spent alone.

    Try to better yourself and your own skills with every achievement.
    Set your goals and achieve them (or at least be active in the pursuit of your values at all times).

    Gain one good companion/friend. Someone mature and responsible whom you can trust and share with (preferably your mate).

    Don't open yourself up too much to anyone else...not even family.

    These are the things that have brought happiness into my life and have (mostly) kept despair far from me.
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    • Posted by $ 1 year, 6 months ago
      Having a "self" and self introspection is my line of work...mankind didn't always have that. In fact, even after 3000 years, everyone on the planet Still do not have a "Self" or "I" nor a connection to a mind...some of which are in governments and on the highest floors of Global Corporations.

      I've had much time alone but also, equally, time with many others and it has served me well causing me to integrate all of my knowledge and experiences instead of compartmentalizing them like most do today...especially in politics and the sciences.
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      • Posted by teri-amborn 1 year, 6 months ago
        Sharing one's inner life is different from sharing one's intellect.

        I have also learned to choose wisely in the area of sharing knowledge.

        You certainly have a worthy circle of friends and associates.
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        • Posted by $ 1 year, 6 months ago
          Yes and maybe your last sentence is a major factor in why I am more open...it's always been that way.
          I have also observed that most people respond to your (expected) assumptions about them because of the way you treat them...ie, expecting the best of them...(notice I said "Most")

          I'm sure that is a strange statement to make when one lives in a state with the greatest concentration of psychopaths and Schizophrenic's second only to the District of Columbia.
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  • Posted by rainman0720 1 year, 6 months ago
    I never expect anything from myself except the best I have; to expect any less than that seems pointless to me.

    The only things I expect out of life are those things I earn. However, due to the current structure of our society, I am usually disappointed in that I don't always get what I earn.
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  • Posted by $ blarman 1 year, 6 months ago
    Whatever goal you set your sights on you will achieve. The question is whether you set your sights on the stars, or that hole in the ground.
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  • Posted by $ Dobrien 1 year, 6 months ago
    Thanks OUC,
    Good post +1. High Expectations for your self is what we all should strive for. Those expectations of happiness ,satisfaction and pride are the rewards for planning and executing a well reasoned course of action to achieve a need or goal.
    High expectations of behavior from others is a potential disappointment with unhappy feelings.
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    • Posted by $ 1 year, 6 months ago
      Yes it is, on both of your points...Mark Hamilton calls that Happiness, that satisfaction: Value reflection...reflecting upon the value created. One can rightfully claim that proud reflection by the results of the value created.

      Lately I have been explaining to people why biblical worship or just plain appreciation is so important for the one that creates value...it allows one that created the value to reflect upon it's creation. (it's a private thing, not worn on one's sleeve).
      I use an example I remember from my past:

      Imagine your next door neighbor has a beautiful flower bed in front of their house. They spend a lot of enjoyable time taking care of it. People walking by the house always comment positively on her flowers.

      One night, some young hoodlums destroy it for kicks. The next morning, she is devastated and loses all interest in her beloved hobby.

      Observing this, you decide to secretly replace the damaged flowers during the night as best you can. (she would never accept your generosity if she knew). The next morning, the lady comes out to get her paper and can't believe her own eyes...the flowers grew back!?, it was all a bad dream? or some unknown miracle happened?...she runs around jumping for joy, tears of happiness fall from her eyes. Every passer by gets a joyful earful as she tells the story...mean while, you silently watch this from your front porch, you feel happy for her and glad you took up the cause. You reflect, in real time, the consequences of the value you created. It is profound and so touching that it doesn't matter if anyone knows it was you that replaced the flowers...her appreciation is more than enough reward for your actions.
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      • Posted by teri-amborn 1 year, 6 months ago
        Turning despair into hope is an achievement.

        Watching that regained hope rebound into flourishing is tremendously fulfilling on a metaphysical level. You literally watch someone regain reality (and you helped).
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      • Posted by $ Dobrien 1 year, 6 months ago
        I can be very rewarding to gift on your own terms.
        To me it is a stroke to highlight on the canvas of life .It helps complete the masterpiece of a life well lived. Thanks for your story:)
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        • Posted by $ 1 year, 6 months ago
          It's mankind's finest example of Mutuality and the willful or automatic, sharing of abundance. It not only heals the wounds of the recipient but also boosts the immunity against injuries for the giver.

          I've noticed some of those "Highlights" in your paintings...they say much in your favor.
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          • Posted by $ 1 year, 6 months ago
            Post Script: Ct just had it's party primary election for Governor etc...A last minute, unknown business outsider, just won the Republican vote.

            Might we finally go the way of the nation and defeat the leftist's hold on my state. Hopefully the cities won't ruin this moment in time.
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            • Posted by $ Dobrien 1 year, 6 months ago
              In our primary the dems ignored physical abuse charges against the Muslim brotherhood proponent Keith Ellison for Mn atty general and his dist voted for a Muslim woman to run for his old congressional seat. Funny his district is also where a homeless sidewalk shooting gallery as in drugs and needles is being occupied. Believe me come January they will find it a we bit chilly for their sorry asses.
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              • Posted by $ 1 year, 6 months ago
                It's curious to find so many homeless these days...times are getting better jobs wise. Maybe sorass is paying them to be homeless??? Just seems strange.

                The event of the day, today, was 40 people on the New Haven Green dying of drug overdoses...Wow...Now THAT is one strange and rare event.
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  • Posted by Herb7734 1 year, 6 months ago
    The Kobe steak is considered to be the best, regardless of cut.The cow is fed premium food, along with beer and is being constantly massaged to make its meat http://tender.It lives in a sort of bovine paradise. But keep one thing in mind: It is still a cow.(Or a steer, I never remember which).Animals of that species never aspire to greatness or fall into depression if they don't succeed as tender meat. An English writer whose name escapes me in his later life would go out into a field carrying a stool and put his head up against the head of a cow and gaze into her eyes for hours. When asked why he did that, he proclaimed "Because for miles and miles, there's nothing."
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