10

63 Years

Posted by Herb7734 10 months, 3 weeks ago to Culture
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Sixty-three years. Just think of it, many people don't even live that long.On August 14th, the BW and I will have been married for that length of time..You might ask, as many have, was it "happily ever after?"Of course not. No one gets through life unscathed. We've had our ups and downs on the roller coaster called life. We are often asked what the secret to a long marriage is.and we both respond, "Damned if I know."There is,however, one thing we know for sure, and that is, there has to be a very strong love, because that 's the only thing that keeps murder or suicide from happening. Also, love creates a degree of tolerance that would be otherwise impossible to sustain. I also keep certain writings, poems, mottos, and aphorisms close that I can fall back on when my glum meter swings to negative .Last, but in no way least, is a good sense of humor, because without it one would be doomed to hell on earth.There are positives. To face life's hardest times with a partner who is an intellectual equal.To know that regardless of any circumstance, there is a person to whom, no matter what, is on your side and can be rational when you are not and you's like to give in to your emotions and @#$%$#@!! that no-good *&^%$%^&!!! So..what's your story?I could be (and most likely is) very different from mine.Come on, it is life lesson time.


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  • Posted by 10 months, 3 weeks ago
    It has ocurred to me that envy is one of the most likely speed bumps on the road of life. The whole idea of keeping up with the Jones' can put a great strain on a marriage.It reminded me of this old limerick.
    There was a lady from Guadaloup,
    Who found a fly in her soup,
    Said the waiter, "Don't shout
    Or wave it about,
    For the others will be wanting one too.".
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    • Posted by  $  Radio_Randy 10 months, 3 weeks ago
      Actually...we ARE the Jones's. I doubt, however, that the name had much to do with our nearly 40 years of successful marriage.

      To us, our relationship is very much like a business partnership. Since my wife is a Christian, she considers me the "senior partner", which saves us from getting stuck on certain decisions, as my vote is the tie-breaker (and we ALWAYS discuss major issues).

      I respect her place in our relationship. She is a conventional home-maker and I make it a point to recognize her contribution to our partnership on a regular basis. In today's mixed-up world, it's easy to lose site of these values.

      We don't steal from each other and we share a substantial amount of trust. Otherwise, how could people share a bed, if they didn't trust one another?

      There are other reasons for the longevity of our marriage, but these are the ones we usually bring up, when asked.
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      • Posted by 10 months, 3 weeks ago
        Rational attitudes, R.R. My wife and I held very different views at first, but while walking through life's insanity, she did a Red Rover and came over. She used to be quite naive. She still doesn't fully understand the meanings of the swear words she is using more and more frequently, of late.
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  • Posted by  $  exceller 10 months, 3 weeks ago
    Congratulations, Herb!

    I can only tell that my parents had it. I wasn't that lucky. Apparently it did not come through the genes.

    I am happy for you: yours is one of the exceptions rather than the rules.
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  • Posted by coaldigger 10 months, 3 weeks ago
    First of all, Happy Anniversary. It is a great thing to have a partner in life that sticks with you for that long. We are working on our 56th year and like you, have had ups and downs but we are still together and probably closer than we have ever been. I think success goes back to the reason why you got married in the first place. Physical attraction, status, friendship, convenience, duty, etc. are not strong enough to last through life's troubles. In our case, I still don't know why she married me but I married her because I knew I wanted her to be the mother of my children. We were too young to get married but circumstances were going to separate us and I didn't want to lose her so we got married when I was still in college.

    Now 55+ years, 4 kids and 6 grandchildren later life is pretty good. People remark about the closeness of our family, the success of the adults and children and how well they have done. It all goes back to that great mother that raised them while I flew out on Monday and back on Friday chasing a career and earning what it took to raise them and send them to college. I could write a book about the bumps along the way but I never doubted that we would end up taking care of each other in our old age.
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    • Posted by 10 months, 3 weeks ago
      The longer you stay married, the better you get at it, in our cases.I tend to see a lot of break-ups upon encountering the first bump. They are usually the kind that you or I wouldn't even notice.
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  • Posted by  $  LTUMFLEET 10 months, 3 weeks ago
    When Ruth and I were married 50 years ago, we were not sure what to expect. We, therefore made a pact that we would try it for 50 years and then decide if we wished to continue. This Oct is 50. I think we will continue.
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  • Posted by  $  Olduglycarl 10 months, 3 weeks ago
    I still can't fathom 26 years of the ball and chain, never mind enduring 63, ( I hate seat belts...just on general principle)...have no idea how it hasn't come to fist-a-cuffs in the boxing ring of life we call marriage.
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    • Posted by 10 months, 3 weeks ago
      Bad attitude.
      Doesn't help.
      I think you're just being cute.
      Funny how time goes by as you get older it goes faster. It's all Einstein's fault. .Space-time, what a concept. ..
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      • Posted by  $  Olduglycarl 10 months, 3 weeks ago
        The longer time goes by the more momentum we build up...therefore getting closer and closer to the speed of life.

        Hmm...Cute: (original def.): Sooooo UGLY, that in a strange sort of way...kind of interesting.
        That is why I'm known as OLD UGLY CARL!...laughing.

        Not really a bad attitude, just an observation and a testament of how people change or at least, how we begin to notice... over time.
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        • Posted by 10 months, 3 weeks ago
          I hate to be a grammarian, but it really should be "Ugly Old Carl." For many years my best pal's name was Carl, Carl Mitchell. Since then I never met another person named Carl. Almost as rare as Herbert. The Jewish tradition is to name a child after a dead relative. To name him or her after a living relative is verboten. I was named after my mom's grandpa. His name was "Chaim" (Means "life" Also the number 18 which is considered to be a lucky number because it represents Chai, or life.You should know by now that I'll likely seize upon anything in a post to write a sentence about. The speed of life? Good one. Hurtling toward death at the speed of life.Albert treated physics like a poet treats language. If I had an interview with Einstein in a cozy rathskeller, the first words I would utter would be, "Ein stein, Einstein? (one glass, Einstein?) When Isaac Newton was in charge of physics, the universe was a much happier place. I could even understand the math which was hiding in plain sight. But ever since dear Albert, we really don't know our elbow from our armpit. They're with us all the time yet we don't really understand them. Just knowing what a thing does, does not explain why it does it. If consciousness remains after flesh ceases to function, what is it and why is it? I'm leaning toward dark energy which at least explains how the energy is propagated and how it is released upon death. Pardon my wandering mind, I got up too early this morning.
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          • Posted by  $  Olduglycarl 10 months, 3 weeks ago
            I went to bed!...early this morning...stuck on third shift this week because the third shift guy was playin with cows and got his hoof stuck in his mouth.
            Didn't know people could get hoof and mouth disease.
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            • Posted by 10 months, 3 weeks ago
              Easy. I do it all the time. I call it Oral Podiatry.
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              • Posted by  $  Olduglycarl 10 months, 3 weeks ago
                Now that's funny...
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                • Posted by 10 months, 3 weeks ago
                  You think that's funny? You should see me trim my toenails.
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                  • Posted by  $  Olduglycarl 10 months, 3 weeks ago
                    Laughing my butt off...gnaw them short, do ya?
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                    • Posted by 10 months, 3 weeks ago
                      If I could really perform that act in my present physical condition, I' become an instant crypto Christian telling of the miracle cure I experienced, and blame it on my exchange with Carl Johnson, deifying him to demi-god right up there with J.C. We'd be a cult based on Catholicism called the Carlites.or Latter Day Lucifers.
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                      • Posted by  $  Olduglycarl 10 months, 3 weeks ago
                        That would certainly be an "Occultation" of the truth of it. We'd be called footfetishist or latter day Podiatrist and ole Herb would be on the cross chewing on his toe nails. We would knock on doors barefoot and trim people's toe nails in an act of toeishin.

                        That's the best I can do at this time of night...
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                        • Posted by 10 months, 2 weeks ago
                          My first laugh out loud of the day. "Latter Day Podiatrists?"Doing peoples toe nails as an act of contrition? I can't stop laughing.When I claimed to be a worshiper of Eris, Greek Goddess of Chaos, I thought I was being Bizaar.Just two additions. 1. No foot doctors allowed. 2. A statue of a naked man biting his toe nails.
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                          • Posted by  $  Olduglycarl 10 months, 2 weeks ago
                            Now, all stand, raise your right foot and repeat: Hail, Nail, to the smelly foot!
                            On special occasions everyone that wants to be "Heeled" goes to the front and receives a cup of sneaker sweat and eats a cookie made of toe jam!

                            Oui!...this is getting bizarre...
                            May the ingrown toe nail in the sky be with you.
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  • Posted by  $  DeangalvinFL 10 months, 3 weeks ago
    love, because that 's the only thing that keeps murder or suicide from happening.
    I laughed for a minute straight!!!!!!!
    Happy Anniversary brother.
    Not much special in my story; ups and downs, lots of almosts, cried too much along the way, and now don't cry at all which is perhaps the worst of all.
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    • Posted by 10 months, 3 weeks ago
      Yes. Human relationships. Too complex to understand fully.But the hero seeking hero paradigm holds up pretty well. Doesn't mean that you won't get roasted a bit on the rotating barbecue spit of life.
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  • Posted by freedomforall 10 months, 3 weeks ago
    Happy Anniversary to you and your "better half", Herb. ;^)
    Still looking for mine. That's my story.
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    • Posted by 10 months, 3 weeks ago
      I was fortunate. It was as if Marilynn was picked out for me. I was invited to be an usher at the wedding of a childhood friend. I had known her since age 5 or so. The family was very rich and my father was hoping for a uniting, but we both knew we would never marry. We were too familiar with each other. Anyhow, I decided to go to an Arthur Murray Studio and get dancing lessons so I could be Mr. Cool at the party.The girl they paired me with was a pleasant kid who couldn't dance a lick. At one place at the edge of the dance floor a group of young ladies stood around.The were the wedding crashers. One of them was tapping her foot almost unable to stand still. An obvious choice. I asked her to dance and introduced myself (in that order). A miracle! No matter what stupid moves I made she was able to follow and even improve making me look as if I actually knew what I was doing. Later, we went out to a club and danced until 2 am. The rest is history. Luck? Magnatism? subliminal recognition? Who knows. That was a pair of 19 year olds over 65 years ago.
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      • Posted by 10 months, 3 weeks ago
        It turned out that I had instinctively followed the Rand instructions. First you must consider yourself to be a hero. You will then seek out a woman who is also a hero. Nothing at all is as important no matter what.
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  • Posted by rainman0720 10 months, 3 weeks ago
    Congrats on reaching your 63rd anniversary. My parents made it to 60 before IPF took my dad. They were as much in love on the last day of his life as they were the first day of their life together. They exhibited many of the items you list above (tolerance, love, humor, etc.) since one never knows what one will need to get through a particular event or situation. My wife and I are at 26, and I think the only reason that we won't make it to our 63rd is that we won't be around that long. (OK, maybe I will live to the age of 98, but I have my doubts.)

    Again, congrats on staying together and happy for that much of your life. Stories like yours are rare, and special.
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    • Posted by 10 months, 3 weeks ago
      My prediction was 75 and here I am @ 84.Irony is that of all my boyhood chums, all are gone except the one I disliked the most."The good die young so they may not be corrupted, the evil live on so they may be redeemed." Hey, it's biblical, I couldn't make this stuff up.
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  • Posted by Abaco 10 months, 3 weeks ago
    Congrats on that. Marriage ain't for the faint at heart. My wife and I are 15 years in. We've, like you, had some challenges - the worst being having a disabled child. That's a sure way to knock out the romance and the finance. And, as my old boxing coach said, "There'll be no romance without finance." haha...

    All the best to you and your honey...
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    • Posted by 10 months, 3 weeks ago
      Physical or mental? None of my business of course, but at my age I have advice for every circumstance. If I haven't experienced it, someone close to me likely has.The nice thing about this forum is that you need not answer anything you don't want to. I wish you well.
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      • Posted by Abaco 10 months, 3 weeks ago
        My son was poisoned by pharmaceutical products administered by a pediatrician when he was 8 months old and it destroyed him. We've brought him most of the way back...but, I often think back about how hard it was. Our kitchen became a medical facility, in essence. I worked closely with a team of expert pediatricians. 80 dives with my son in a hyperbaric chamber, chelation...on, and on, and on. It was a 24/7 job for my wife and I. We stuck together. Most couples who've been through this (over 80%) don't make it. It's been a f*cking nightmare...

        And...it was preventable.
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        • Posted by 10 months, 3 weeks ago
          I can understand what you went through, but not how it happened. I take it that you are justifiably angry and have hopefully received some recompense. Of course, that in no way ameliorates what your son, and for that matter what you and your wife went through. Hopefully, he's doing well, now. I cannot think of anything worse than a tragedy involving a child. (Been there).
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  • Posted by  $  Dobrien 10 months, 3 weeks ago
    Congratulations Herb and the BW for 63!
    Last Saturday was our 39th as we are 61 and 60
    We can only hope to live long enough to hit that Mark. My parents just had their 68th and I hope they don't get a 70th year itch.lol
    Hold on tight to the bucking bronco of life go with the flow and accept responsibility for your actions. Adoration helps, in my case as I out kicked my punt coverage, family connection , kindness, consideration , value given and received , strong communication, use your reason. Be your best as a habit to your best friend. Find and develope common interests. Stay thirsty my friend!
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