Words of Wisdom

Posted by Herb7734 1 year ago to Humor
23 comments | Share | Best of... | Flag

It's been a tough few weeks. How about a bit of lightweight wisdom to brighten your day?

Truth is stranger than fiction and more embarrassing.

If you want to learn to drive, I won't stand in your way.

The Three Happy Moments of Life:
1. When you get the last laugh.
2. When you have the last word.
3. When you pay the last installment.

There is nothing that proves human capacity for tolerance as does a Golden Wedding Anniversary.

I went to a Universary where we had a dean who was so dumb even the other deans noticed it.

Children are natural mimics -- they imitate their parents in spite of every effort to teach them to behave properly.

Herbie's Ego Principle: The first madman to have someone imagine he was Napoleon was Napoleon.

The problem with tolerance is that people will think you don't understand the problem.

Why the Government Has Cost Overruns.
(1) It is too early to predict what the program will cost.
(2) It is too far down the road to do anything about it.

Never do card tricks at a poker game.

Children help keep the family together - especially when you can't get a baby sitter.

I remember when a liberal was a person who was generous with his own money.

DAFFYNITION
Eccentric: A person to rich to be called a crackpot.

Recently they took a popularity poll of the Democrats and Republicans, nobody won.

How To Brighten Your Day: Go to a garage sale and you'll realize to know that others were stuck with the same junk you were.

The time you enjoy wasting is not wasted.


Add Comment

FORMATTING HELP

All Comments Hide marked as read Mark all as read

  • Posted by andrewtroy 1 year ago
    The clock of life is wound but once
    And no one has the power
    To say just when the clock will stop
    At late or early hour.
    This is the only life you own
    Live Love Toil with a will.
    Place no faith in time my friends
    For the clock may soon be still.
    Reply | Mark as read | Best of... | Permalink  
  • Posted by rbroberg 1 year ago
    Temperature data are climate change deniers!

    Liberalism is when you care enough to denounce those who don't care about being denounced by those who do.

    Health care's more about your health than you'll ever know.

    Prohibition: The abortion policy of the previous century.

    Social engineering is what to do about the child of another man (or woman).

    What if the police force took a knee every time an NFL player punched a girl in the face?

    Marxism: Everyone else's problem.

    Marxist: Professional pro-proletariat professor, into the labor movement, dislikes job.

    Che Guevara: Just a face in the crowd.

    Should we really care about the foreign policy of foreign nations if we can't even speak the language?

    Two things I am sure about: America isn't English. English is American. Learn the language.

    The ancient Israelites were probably bat shit crazy.

    The war on drugs is confusing for those on military leave.

    Hypocrisy is only as deep as the trench you're willing to lie to get out of.

    Marijuana policy has come a long way since the days when no one really cared.

    Abortion policy: Give Congress three months to decide what do and if they can't come to a decision, force them into a life of bondage.

    Prisons are overcrowded. Some criminals are still waiting to get in.

    Got energy policy?
    Reply | Mark as read | Best of... | Permalink  
  • Posted by  $  allosaur 1 year ago
    When in doubt~look out. Watch your back too.
    (Hard experience caused me dino to think that 'un up and it served me well for about 19 of 21 years as a corrections officer at a maximum security prison.
    It wasn't always inmates out to get you.)
    Reply | Mark as read | Best of... | Permalink  
    • Posted by 1 year ago
      That pretty much goes for life experience as well Remember the old saying: "Just because I'm paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get me.""
      Reply | Mark as read | Parent | Best of... | Permalink  
      • Posted by  $  allosaur 1 year ago
        Retirement reduces encounters with backstabbers among coworkers and even supervisors.
        Reply | Mark as read | Parent | Best of... | Permalink  
        • Posted by 1 year ago
          A good friend of my son is a fellow who goes by the name Ace Backwards. He is quite talented and was a fairly successful cartoonist for a number of years. After a while he accumulated a fair amount of money and became homeless. He now lives in the wooded area on the fringes of San Francisco. He has set up a little campsite, has a cooker, and a tablet and several thousand followers on Facebook.All he does is stay on line all day, wander around The People's Park, feed and take pictures of the feral cats of which he has a whole crew that shows up every day, gets drunk on malt liquor and sleeps it off , awaking to another day in paradise. When talk of the fiats and foibles of the world starts up, I think of Ace and while AR wouldn't approve he won't die because of a stressful life.
          Reply | Mark as read | Parent | Best of... | Permalink  
          • Posted by  $  allosaur 1 year ago
            At the Bama corrections academy in Selma, an instructor told my class that the average age of a corrections officer is 65 due to stress. I'm now 70.
            Several coworkers my age and younger died while employed. Only one got killed at the prison, shanked in the heart.
            Two supervisors died of heart attacks. Asked why I never applied to be a supervisor, I named one of them, adding that we were born the same year.
            At the academy my class of 82-2 was also told not to let anyone call us a prison guard because there was a lot more to us than goons with clubs. Nevertheless, when I saw a highly ranked female captain being interviewed on TV and saw "S------ P------, Guard," on the bottom of the screen, I couldn't help but LOL. Bet she was fuming!
            S.P. was a very good captain, though. Now she's the warden. Having a degree in criminal justice helps with that. I have something else.
            Reply | Mark as read | Parent | Best of... | Permalink  

FORMATTING HELP

  • Comment hidden. Undo