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Dad is Dying

Posted by $ Abaco 1 month, 2 weeks ago to Philosophy
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Thought I'd share. It doesn't look like my dad is going to survive his bout with COVID. He's on ventilator, sedated. Not recovering. They are hinting that his lungs may never function without a machine for the rest of his life. So, that's not going to be how he continues on, if he makes it through this. His life has not been a pleasure cruise. It was more a dumpster fire...which to this Objectivist is very sad.

Cycle of life is funny. I'm raising two kids of my own. Trying so very hard to teach them the basic values that make life easy, simple. In my struggles to do that I've started to realize that "I'm the weirdo", as I joked to my son the other day. Now in my 5th decade I've come to realize that most people are drawn to trouble, drama, stupid decisions. I see it all around me and on tv. It's surreal. But, I digress. I spent Sunday visiting with my step mom to lift her spirits. As I started to leave their town in Nevada I stopped at a little riverside park to eat my lunch and take in the natural beauty. The place was empty except for just a few people. As I walked over to the restroom before leaving I walked by a very young couple, the lady was all excited as they both looked at the ring on her finger. What a beautiful place to propose. I looked over and said, "What's going on here!?" Of course they just got engaged and I was the first witness. Their excitement was really beautiful. The young lady was all smiles, and so beautiful. I took a photo for them with their phone before continuing on. These hints, these scenes that remind me of the cycle of life keep showing up around me and I really notice them now. Our lives are so precious.


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    Posted by $ 1 month, 2 weeks ago
    Thank you, guys. I'm here at my desk starting to try to tie things together. My dad passed this morning, 15 minutes after they pulled the ventilator. I'm not a very spiritual person but when I was outside talking with my son at 10:15 this morning about how I lost my grandpa something interesting happened. Turns out he was gone at 10:20.

    I didn't want him to continue to struggle in ICU like he was. Talk about a teaching opportunity for my kids...We're talking already about what really matters in life.

    Everybody here keep your hands clean. Avoid crowds. Know that the N95 mask is effective. Vitamins D and C. Let's get through this commie virus...
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    • Posted by term2 1 month, 2 weeks ago
      I have a very negative reaction to china now, and in particular the CCP rulers. They foisted this on us, and I will never forgive them for that. I regret that our government was at least as stupid and locked down the economy and made things worse. And 150,000 americans are dead in spite of their lockdown. I think they should open up the the economy immediately, and just tell people what they should do to be safe, and leave it to individuals to be safe IF THEY want to be.

      Staying away from crowds, concentrating on living life without unnecessary personal interaction, concentrating more on family and individual responsibililty. Eventually there will be vaccines, but until then closing down the economy will just make more hell for all of us.
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  • Posted by Mamaemma 1 month, 2 weeks ago
    I’m so sorry, Abaco. Remember how privileged you were to have him in your life. It is a gift to love someone so much that you mourn for them. And how wonderful that you are now giving a fathers love to your sons.
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  • Posted by $ jlc 1 month, 2 weeks ago
    I do not believe in an afterlife, but if I imagine one, it has green fields and rolling hills with trees on them. May you be able to see your father, young and healthy again, in such a setting.

    Jan
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  • Posted by $ WilliamShipley 1 month, 2 weeks ago
    My condolences, it's hard to lose a parent. I lost my mother a couple weeks back to COVID -- sort of. She didn't have it, but the months of isolation and ensuing depression caused her already shaky health to fade. My brother kept her food supplies up, but everyone kept their distance.

    There is a reason that solitary confinement is considered a harsh punishment everywhere.
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  • Posted by DrZarkov99 1 month, 2 weeks ago
    It's sad to lose someone who was a big part of your life. You have my deepest sympathy for the loss, and the hard choice at the end.

    I lost my wife this year in April. She was truly my soulmate, and a joy to be with for 40 years. She was an artist in paints and quilting, a SCUBA diver, mountain climber, and generally energized adventurer. Above all, she was a kind and caring person, with a great sense of humor and a smile that lit up the room the minute she entered.

    What you will find, with the loss of someone so close is that you recognize a part of your own persona is missing. We don't consciously realize the symbiotic emotional relationship with a parent, spouse, or child that is close generates a different way of thinking that affects our decisions and actions. You find unexpected blanks in your thought process, and then you realize that you automatically considered what that loved one would think about your decision or action. Without them you have to find a new path of your own. It isn't easy, as I'm finding, to establish that new, independent life when there are obviously missing pieces.

    What helps me, and I hope it will help you, is to share stories about the wise advice you got from your dad, and happy moments and funny stories you shared. It's a reminder of how lucky we were to have known and loved a very special person. We are social creatures, and the COVID restrictions make it hard to reach out to friends and get close support. I hope you have people close to you that will help support and understand your grief.
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    • Posted by $ 1 month, 2 weeks ago
      Oh Doc, I'm sorry to hear about your wife. And, I understand what you're saying! My dad was a nut, funny as hell. Okie humor is one of my favorite skills... He'd come up with one-liners on the fly that my brother and I repeat to this day, four decades later! His persona was a mix of Okie humor and paranoia...which is a really funny mix...Not for everybody, though...haha...
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      • Posted by DrZarkov99 1 month, 2 weeks ago
        My dad wasn't so humorous, although once in a while he would make a comment that was a bit of wry humor. What I remembered most was the lessons in life that I carry with me to this day, like "Make your big mistakes early. That way you have plenty of time to correct them."

        I was actually a pretty sober guy until I met my wife. We had both been married before (mistakes early kind of thing), and knew instantly we were a match. She taught me all about developing my humorous side, and found my risk taker attitude both scary and exciting. After we retired, we traveled a lot, and enjoyed each other's company. The last 18 months were hard, as her health deteriorated, but she always had that Hollywood smile, even two days before the end. I think I'm a better man for having had the pleasure of her company for so long.
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        • Posted by $ 1 month, 2 weeks ago
          Thanks for sharing. Very glad you found each other. How cool is that?

          I remember the first time I saw my wife. She was in an office that hired me. My new boss introduced me as the new guy. She turned around to say "hi" and there she was: looked like Jayne Mansfield - in jeans and sweatshirt. The rest is history...
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        • Posted by Mamaemma 1 month, 2 weeks ago
          Just listening to you talk about your wife is making me smile and feel warm and happy. Many people go through life never knowing the joy you knew. I’m so glad you had each other.
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  • Posted by $ allosaur 1 month, 2 weeks ago
    Sorry for your loss. My father died during 1915 one day short of his 99th birthday. He never smoked but died of lung cancer. He had become very senile.
    A few years earlier my mother died of a stroke, which was in a way a blessing with her mind pretty well lost to Alzheimer's.
    Last year on October 13 (what a creepy date!) one of my brothers evidently fell asleep driving and died of blunt force trauma in a one-car crash off Interstate 65 in hilly Tennessee.
    I'm the eldest and Tom was number four out of five brothers (no sisters). I kinda figured I'd go first. Instead it was the second youngest?!
    Just shows you never know. With the good there's always the bad. That's life. Or just the way it is.
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  • Posted by $ rockymountainpirate 1 month, 2 weeks ago
    Abaco, so sorry to hear about your dad. The worst part is not being able to be there when they pass. I am thankful I was able to be there when my dad passed many years ago. Have a nice remembrance in Tahoe with the family.
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  • Posted by $ 1 month, 2 weeks ago
    Thanks everybody. My dad had some underlying health issues that made this virus very dangerous to him. His wife was just weak with a fever for a day and a half. Then, my dad got it. He passed very peacefully. Due to the circumstances we were not with him. But, the hospital staff in Reno was excellent. We'll scatter his ashes on Lake Tahoe...
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  • Posted by $ gharkness 1 month, 2 weeks ago
    I am so very sorry to hear about your father. There's just no easy way to process this sort of thing...you just have to take it a moment at a time. Glad, though, that you have kids you love to help you through the process (even if they don't know that's what they are doing).
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  • Posted by $ Stormi 1 month, 2 weeks ago
    I lost my dad 20 years ago, side effects of radiation for cancer, miss him to this day. I just want to pick up the phone and have one more conversation. So sad about your dad.
    What you describe is why I watch Tucker Carlson, then Hallmark and History Channel, no mainstream networks. Watch Yellowstone on Paramount. I cannot believe what passes for normal anymore. No responsibility, no love of country or capitalism, no respect for individualism, and no strong belief in property rights. It makes me sick. But at 73, I am a fighter, and try to inform someone everyday, point out the fallacy of masks, and warn of coming communism. Then I go out in our rural yard and feed the birds, listen to their songs, marvel at the 200 trees, and think about all the old white Brit writers I loved to read, who embraced nature, but not fake science.
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  • Posted by Jpp1st 1 month, 2 weeks ago
    So sorry for your loss. As time passes you will realize the lessons he taught you that you may have forgotten and others you don’t even realize right now
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  • Posted by minesayn 1 month, 2 weeks ago
    Abaco,
    My sincere condolences to you and your family at the loss of your father. No words are truly adequate, but know that you are thought of and cared about. Cherish your memories of your father during this difficult time.

    My mother died on this date 14 years ago; at times, it still is difficult, but the lessons and love she and my dad imparted to my sisters and me keep us going. Both of them mentioned that they were glad that neither was living during these current times.

    Again, my sincere condolences for your loss.
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  • Posted by Katrina41 1 month, 2 weeks ago
    My condolences to you and your family. Your dad sounds a lot like my dad, who loved life, loved us and worked hard from. Pennsylvania farm kid to top scanner operator in the U.S. We lost him to cancer 6 years ago and the missing piece is still missing. I and my 8 brothers and sisters relish our fond, funny memories--they never fade. He also taught us how to live every day, and we do. Love him, share his memories and his lessons, and teach your children and grandchildren how to live. It is a good thing.
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  • Posted by Herb7734 1 month, 2 weeks ago
    Insist on his getting the following:Hydrochloroquine +zinc+Azithromycin. The docs might tell you it won't help. OK, what has dad got to lose? I know persons it's worked for.
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  • Posted by $ blarman 1 month, 2 weeks ago
    Don't downplay the spiritual. I know this is an Objectivist board but the fundamental thing is to observe. There are still a lot of things that science can't explain but which have nevertheless happened. Take comfort in that you got to know your father and that he has moved on to new adventures.
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    • Posted by $ 1 month, 2 weeks ago
      You are correct. 30 years ago my grandfather passed unexpectedly. He and I were very close...and I still have people tell me I remind them of him. A couple days after he passed I had an extremely vivid dream of him standing there in his Navy uniform saying to me, "I'm ok. Don't worry about that." Then, he stepped behind a curtain and was gone when I looked behind it. About a decade later I was reading The Perfect Storm when something very similar was described and it was discussed that this is a common thing. One person seems to get picked by the deceased. In The Perfect Storm it was a fisherman's little son who got the visit. I've since heard of this happening with others. It's a strange phenomenon, too vivid to be ignored.
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  • Posted by $ nickursis 1 month, 2 weeks ago
    My deepest condolences., to you. Hard to understand all that is happening, but I have felt great evil around us for the last few years, and to lose someone close is just adding to the misery. I agree with what some others have expressed, although the Objectivists seem to want to remove that you cannot prove exists, I still think there is room for what we do not know or understand, like your feeling at 10:20. I had a similar thing when my father dies, and didn't even know it until my brother called me later. I do think we have more than we know, and more than we can comprehend. You have touched some of it. Peace to you.
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  • Posted by Eyecu2 1 month, 2 weeks ago
    I know that many here to not believe in God but I do and I will be praying that he will provide you some comfort in this trying time.
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