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New heavy element discovered. Hilliarium

Posted by Dobrien 1 month ago to Science
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This new heavy element has the atomic symbol BS
Hillarium has no protons or electrons and thus has an atomic number of 0. However, it does have one neutron, 125 assistant neutrons, 75 vice neutrons and 111 assistant vice neutrons, which gives it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together by a force that involves the continuous exchange of meson-like particles called morons.

Hillarium's mass actually increases over time, as morons randomly interact with various elements in the atmosphere and become assistant deputy neutrons within the Hillarium atom, leading to the formation of isodopes. This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientists to believe that Hillarium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as a Critical Morass. When catalyzed with money, Hillarium activates CNNadnausium and MSNBCobnoxium, elements that radiates orders of magnitude more energy, albeit as incoherent noise, since each has half as many peons but twice as many morons as Hillarium. Hillarium has also been reported in some war torn countries to inexplicably draw sniper fire out of thin air where no snipers are present, and to cause shoes to catapult across the room as a result of intense attraction to Hillarium.

Since it has no electrons, Hillarium is inert. However, it can be detected chemically as it impedes every reaction it comes in contact with. According to the discoverers, a minute amount of Hillarium causes one reaction to take over four days to complete when it would have normally occurred in less than a second. Paradoxically, in the presence of anti-morons, Hillarium is highly corrosive. The presence of Hillarium is also easily detected using Gagger Counters. When combined with the deadly slick clintonious virus it serves as a catalyst for creating stains on blue dresses. It is also known for impeding the justice process whenever involved in those reactions.

Hillarium appears to have a normal half-life which inexplicably varies between four and six years, at which time it does not decay, but instead undergoes a transmutation, appearing in a new location but displaying the same properties. In this process, assistant neutrons, vice neutrons and assistant vice neutrons exchange places. Some studies have shown that the atomic mass actually increases after each transmutation.

Research at other laboratories indicates that Hillarium occurs naturally in the atmosphere. It tends to concentrate at certain points such as government agencies, large corporations, and universities. It can usually be found in the newest, best appointed, and best maintained buildings. Heightened levels of toxicity have been detected in the presence of low information voters. A single spontaneous incidence of mass moron emission from the Hillarium element has been documented. The morons were apparently stripped away during the Obamala Supernova formation event which, with subsequent isodope formation, collapsed into a particularly small dense black hole. Researchers are now evaluating the possibility that this element's proliferation was predicted by Einstein's E=MC2 (Electability = Morons x Constant (the average IQ of isodopes) squared, which may have far reaching consequences in the field of physics.

Scientists point out that Hillarium is known to be toxic at any level of concentration and can easily destroy any productive reaction where it is allowed to accumulate. Human mortalities have resulted from exposure to Hillarium. Hillarium threatened to become a pandemic by 2016. Infection symptoms need to be more thoroughly researched, but appear to include a loss of all logical and critical thinking abilities, extensive memory loss related to crucial issues, loss of all consideration for others, onset of paranoia and conspiracy theory predilections (commonly heard are protestations of a "vast right wing conspiracy" and a "War on Women" -- in which ironically Kennedy has the first confirmed kill), and, of course, the already noted tendency towards fatalities.

Generous use of prophylactic doses of Intense Reality® as soon as possible after possible exposure to Hillarium is a prudent and wise precaution. Large doses of Fiscal and Constitutional Conservatism may be particularly useful. Encourage all your friends and family to take similar precautions, and vote for candidates in 2020 who will work to protect us from the possible scourge of a Hillarium pandemic or similar related compounds. Some believe that Palinium, or even Cruzite, is an instant cure - but frankly that research assumed non-Gruberian Statistics. Experimental validation is currently underway in nation-wide clinical trials. Attempts are being made to determine how Hillarium can be controlled to prevent irreversible damage, but results to date are not promising.

Q: Would it be possible for you to address shelf life?

A: Research results are inclusive to date. Recent indications suggest that more significant decay may have occurred than was generally realized, so there is hope for lessened effects in the near future.

Q: Are there any know uses for Hillarium? I've spent quite some time looking and have yet to find any."

A: No useful or beneficial applications of Hillarium have been discovered to date, although a few researchers are determined to find some and continue trying. One recent intrepid researcher believes that Hillarium in highly controlled limited quantities may be a useful substitute for laughing gas.

(h/t "New Chemical Element Discovered" short joke by William DeBuvitz about the horrors of "Administratium," published back in the January 1989 issue of The Physics Teacher, which I transmogrified into Hillarium through a complex multi-step organic chemistry synthesis project and then added to as appropriate to generate the desired reaction product. Similar highly technical research led to the discovery of several other notable new elements, such as Pelosium, chemical symbol Pu2, and several other novel elements.)


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  • Posted by  $  ObjectiveAnalyst 3 weeks, 6 days ago
    Hello Dobrien,

    :) Very Good! I have been so busy this last year, I haven't had the time to do more than lurk and read the occasional entry here. I couldn't pass up this intriguing title. I badly needed the distraction. Thank's

    To all my old friends here in the Gulch, I wish you all a Merry Christmas and a Happy, Prosperous New Year.

    Best Regards,
    O.A.
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  • Posted by Herb7734 3 weeks, 6 days ago
    As I understand it, it does produce certain facial contortion accompanied by a loud barking sound, more like a trill in females called laughter.This affects only persons willing to see the hillarity produced by Hillarium. when applied under certain controlled conditions..
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  • Posted by  $  Olduglycarl 1 month ago
    Awesome, thanks for posting.

    I am familiar with morons. It's the glue that binds negatives to negatives leaving anything positive nowhere to find a simple ground to complete the circuit. .

    I am told that holistic succussion, a homeopathic treatment can eradicate hillarium by interjecting successive dilutions of it's own dileariumn, shaken, not stirred, each time till the maximum detrimental frequency's can be sustained.
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    • Posted by 1 month ago
      Not a recipe that you would find in my wife's grandmothers good friends cookbook written by Marjorie oops I mean Betty Crocker. I will clip your recipe and stuff it in the book cover. Laughing

      FYI Marjorie Child Husted was an American home economist who helped develop the brand character Betty Crocker. Born in Minneapolis, she was a graduate of the University of Minnesota and an initiated member of Kappa Alpha Theta. Wikipedia

      We have grandma Helens first edition Betty Crocker signed to her cookbook in our kitchen and I will reference it from time to time .Grandma has a couple of recipes acknowledged in the book
      As well.
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      • Posted by  $  Olduglycarl 4 weeks, 1 day ago
        Cool History..

        Succussion would only dilute the taste of the food and was meant to treat disease by increasing the frequency of that disease to kill itself, kind of counter intuitive but there are those that claim it works.
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        • Posted by 4 weeks, 1 day ago
          No luck with my audiophile and the equipment you are looking for sorry. He called it old stuff and blew me off but he did say "we are all going to be poisoned because Trump rolled back the reg forcing co. To pay for pollution in advance."
          I said well that's not good and I bid him farewell.
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