The Only One Weirder Than Me

Posted by Herb7734 1 year, 10 months ago to Humor
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Last year, on my birthday, (July 7) my grandson who is now 24 (where did the time go?) and I were having a contest as to how many events we could name that happened in July, and when we failed to mention an event, we had to make up an aphorism. Fortunately, I recorded the conversation which went on for a couple of hours. This is an edited version. Oh, by the way, the only one weirder than me is my grandson who has shoulder length sandy hair, and a beard and mustache similar to a famous biblical figure. As a matter of fact, the resemblance is so striking to the popular conception of the appearance that when he goes into his local Starbucks, they write Jesus on his cup. Anyhow, here is my birthday conversation/contest with David. We were allowed access to my book of fact but had to look it up within one minute.
July 1st, Canadian Dominion Day.
I'm glad there is daylight savings time as my wife's garden can use that extra hour of sunshine.
July 2, President Johnson signed the civil rights act.
July 3rd, ?
My wife does a bird imitation, she watches me like a hawk. Our air conditioner has a new automatic feature. Every time the weather gets hot, it breaks down.
July 4th is Independence Day and is also International Cherry Pit Spitting Day.
July 5th Salvation Army Founded.
The only reason George Washington never told a lie is because he didn't have to fill out an income tax form.
July 7th. My birthday, and the canonization of Mother Cabrini, which led to the famous saying, "Another Martini for Mother Cabrini."
July 10th in 1913 the temperature in Death Valley rose to 134 degrees.
Genius is the ability to do the right thing the first time.
July 14th. Bastille Day.
The way my wife talks about her ancestors you'd think she selected them herself.
July 16 blasted off to land on the moon in 1969.
Experience is the universal form of compulsory education.
July 22. Emma Lazarus was born. She wrote the poem inscribed on the Statue of Liberty.
No matter how little you expect from a frozen dinner, you will be disappointed.
July 24. Brigham Young reached the site of Salt Lake City.\
I have trouble getting into a car more compact than I am.
July 28. The first singing telegram was invented in 1933.
Why do tourists want to go where there are no tourists?
On July 31 1845 Adolph Sax invented the Saxophone.
The greatest difficulties in life should come when we are 18 and know everything.

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  • Posted by johnpe1 1 year, 10 months ago
    weird? . I just lost a best friend who re-sharpened
    toothpicks. . while not on a camping trip. . he also
    brewed coffee with the contents of used k-cups.
    he was a millionaire by inheritance but died just as
    he was beginning to spend it. . he taught me to love
    life now rather than later. -- j

    p.s. your quips here are precious, sir!
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    • Posted by  $  MichaelAarethun 1 year, 10 months ago
      Excellent friend to have ! He lived what we all talk about. Why are they not making tooth picks any longer? Because they are already long enough. And the way not become a caffeine addict.
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    • Posted by 1 year, 10 months ago
      I've got to admit that your friend was someone eligible for my Pantheon of Strange. It reminded me of a friend who loved ketchup to an extreme. It couldn't be spelled catsup. It had to be Heinz. He put great glops of it on everything, but the topper was, he even put it in his coffee!!!
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      • Posted by johnpe1 1 year, 10 months ago
        and the new organic Heinz which we get at Sam's
        is much better than the regular stuff. . my wife is a
        ketchup lover also. . she loves tomatoes in lots of
        stuff. . heavy on the hot dogs! -- j

        p.s. this friend could squeeze a nickel and get 9
        cents out of it. . my dad could get 7, so I've been a
        student of frugal all my life. . now, I'm cashing it in!
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  • Posted by strugatsky 1 year, 10 months ago
    I should say that it is very unlikely that this particular famous historical figure had sandy hair, later imaginary depictions notwithstanding.
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    • Posted by 1 year, 10 months ago
      Of course.If he existed at all, he would have been swarthy, with dark brown or black hair and brown eyes. How many depictions have you seen, particularly the "sacred heart" pics of a sandy haired, light complected, blue eyed Jesus? That's what grandson David is the spitting image of, but his ego is big enough so that the razzing he gets doesn't bother him. Oh, and beside that, he's been taking martial arts since age 7 and is a black belt. A real one.
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      • Posted by strugatsky 1 year, 10 months ago
        That the man existed, there is no doubt. What he did and said, and why, many have been guessing, imagining and making up for 2,000 years. And the most tragic-funny parts is that he is made to be everything except who he was, and claimed to be executed by those who did not, while those who did are claimed to be his saviors.
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        • Posted by 1 year, 10 months ago
          I doubt if he was like he is portrayed in most religions. If anything, he was a charismatic rabbi who developed a following that pretty much threatened everybody. I think that he would be horrified at the religions claiming to be his followers.
          I sometimes think that Catholicism is just a very ornate game of "Simon Says."
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