The news here in Florida has been horrible in the last week or so. A major terrorist attack, a young, beautiful singer assassinated, a child carried off by an alligator.So, for my mental health and as a way of making everyone's day a bit funnier, I present the following:

An Adolescent is one who when not treated like an adult, acts like an infant.

In the game of love the odds are better for the girl with beauty than the girl with brains because the average male can see better than he can think.

All marriages are happy -- it's living together afterward that can be troublesome.

Deep breathing increases your longevity --- particularly if practiced for 80 to 90 years.

For the person who has everything, I suggest antibiotics.

A problem child is one that puts two and two together and gets curious.

There is no rest for the wicked and damn little for the righteous.

Daffy Definition: KICKBACK where the giver says "Thank you," and the recievers says "Don't mention it."

Advice to Hillary: Our Constitution gives you the right to be wrong, not the right to do wrong.

What Every Old Person Knows: If you're old enough to know better, you're too old to do it.

How Socialism Works: Everybody should do as he likes even if he has to be forced to do it.

Herbie's Law Of Philosophical Appreciation: Anticipating applause for a profound intellectual contribution is as futile as dropping a feather down a well and waiting for the splash.