A new element discovered!

Posted by $ Susanne 8 years, 1 month ago to Science
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The Galt School of Chemical Research at Patrick Henry University has announced the discovery of the densest element yet known to science. The new element, formerly thought to be a radical isotope of Pelosium (Pu), and found to be closely related to Obamium (Oo) , has been named Clintonium(II). Exuding very little light, it appears to be unusually influenced by gravitational forces, and is attracted to the metals Gold, Silver, Platinum, and Palladium held by free elements..

Clintonium (II) has one neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 224 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 311. These particles are held together by dark forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. This dense element also distorts the perception via the Dopeler Effect... Clintonium (II) only exists when it remains bonded via negative energy to black holes, and can only be destroyed when bombarded with votrinos, with which it tries to unsuccessfully form non-revealent bonds.

Clintonium(II)’s mass actually increases as it ages, as morons randomly interact with various elements in the atmosphere and become assistant deputy neutrons within the Clintonium-Obamacide molecule, until it forms a critical mess and leads to the formation of isodopes.

This characteristic of votrino inactivity coupled with moron-promotion leads some scientists to believe that Clintonium(II) is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as Critical Morass.

When catalyzed with money, Clintonium(II) activates Propogandium, an element that radiates orders of magnitude more energy, albeit as incoherent noise, since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons as Clintonium(II).

While it tries (unsuccessfully) to bond to votrinos and free radicals, it is slightly repelled by the elements Sandersium due to its overwhelming radical influences, and violently repelled by the many different isotopes of Donaldium and the prevalent compounds it forms (known as the greater Americanium ring), and anything that has a Trivalent bond to Libertium or, especially, Reaganium (an element with a distinctly anti-red color, characteristically used to dissolve iron curtains, and dissipating compounds formed by combining Socialisum and Communisium).

The Galt Gulch Hazardous Materials Manufacturing and Disposal consortium has determined there is absolutely no use for Clintonium(II), that it not only is a hazardous waste but produces additional wastes as it's primary property, and should be approached with extreme caution (including sufficient barriers to prevent any potential contamination) and removed to a permanent dangerous materials repository with great haste.

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    Posted by $ 8 years, 1 month ago
    The classwork at PHU, and especially at the Galt school, has so far been engaging and amazing... we were studying the historical attempts to separate Clintonium(II) from Clintonium(I) using the Lewinski Reaction and exposure to daylight. While this reaction was thought to be unsuccessful, it did prove to reduce the number of Clintonium(I) morons and peons, leading to a temporary increase in both Pecuniam and Libertarium.

    I forgot how fun Chemistry was!!
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    • Posted by term2 8 years, 1 month ago
      Then there is unobtanium that obama believes in. The magical element that when fed to the populace in the water supply, makes people believe in socialism.
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      • Posted by $ 8 years, 1 month ago
        Unobtanium (symbol-UN) - easily dissolved in most drinking water and other commonly consumed beverages, it is commonly processed(through osmosis) when found in the rivers people are sold down.

        As a class 0 narcotic substance, there are known side effects of exposure and ingestion of Un - glazed eyes, repetitive nodding and drooling, espousing nonsensical and rhetorical statements (usually at odds with truth or proven fact). Continuous exposure or severe symptoms of chronic overexposure or abuse can bedetected by a shiftiness of eyes, convulsive crying, feelings of hopelessness and despair, In extreme and advances stages of Unobtanium (or it's related compound Unobtanium Obamacide) victims will be seen emptying wallets for causes contrary to their own well being, uncontrollable rage when presented with truth and rational argument, and possible appearance of coma-like symptoms.

        The only known antidote to Unobtanium toxicity is bilateral lobotomy to remove the permanently destroyed brain tissue, and rehabilitation through copious amounts of mental therapy to return patient to a sense of self-worth and value. Patients given selected infusions of Aynrandium have, on numerous occasions, not only shown symptoms of complete recovery, but have even surpassed former levels of pre-unobtanium exposure normalcy.

        WARNING - treatment of overexposure to Unobtanium through providers subscribing to the Unaffordable Care Act can have contradictory effects, and such treatment has resulted in patients suffering fatal relapse of Symptomatic Unobtanium Exposure.
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  • Posted by bsmith51 8 years, 1 month ago
    Excellent, but I do have a correction: the critical mass product of Clintonium interacting with morons is massodopes, not isodopes.
    Also, the powerful catalyst, Medialite is critical to the formation of morons and thus to the reaction.
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    • Posted by $ 8 years, 1 month ago
      The interaction also creates a paradox, where while more peons are generated, far less energy is expended. It was postulated earlier (in the era of Bushy the Elder) that given enough peons, the energy would eventually drop so far as to be an non-measurable quantity, but during the era of Bushy the Younger, on studying the physics of Reaganium, it was discovered that peons actually generate negative energy; the result of which shows the greater the influence of Clintonium(II) the greater the quantity of negative energy... in essence, creating the black hole with which we are stuck with today, centered around D.C....
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  • Posted by johnpe1 8 years, 1 month ago
    even Manurium is proven to be a noble element in the presence
    of Clintonium, as it refuses to bond to any of its isotopes.
    Imaginarium, however, can bond with Clintonium and cause it
    to precipitate as Loserimess, a new form of waste. -- j
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  • Posted by editormichael 8 years, 1 month ago
    Shame on me and everyone else who ever said Randians don't have a sense of humor.
    These are some brilliand and cleverly creative comments. I am very envious.
    And thankful.
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