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Good joke for a Saturday night

Posted by johnpe1 10 years, 7 months ago to Humor
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An old woman walked up and tied her old mule to the hitching post.
As she stood there, brushing some of the dust from her face
and her clothes, a young gunslinger stepped out of the saloon
with a gun in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other.
The gunslinger looked at the old woman and laughed, saying
"Hey, old woman, have you ever danced?"

The old woman looked up at the gunslinger and said,
"No ... I never did dance ... never really wanted to."

A crowd had gathered as the gunslinger grinned and said,
"Well, you old bag, you're gonna dance now," as he started
shooting at the old woman's feet.

The old woman, a prospector -- not wanting to get her feet
blown off -- started hopping around. . Everyone was laughing
when his last bullet had been fired, and when the young gunslinger,
still laughing, holstered his gun and turned around to go
back into the saloon.

The old woman turned to her pack mule, pulled out
a double-barreled shotgun, and cocked both hammers.
The loud clicks carried clearly through the desert air,
and the crowd stopped laughing immediately.

The gunslinger heard the clicks, too, and he turned around
very slowly. . The silence was almost deafening.
The crowd watched as the young gunman stared at the
old woman and the large gaping holes of the twin shotgun barrels.

The barrels of the shotgun never wavered in the old woman's
hands as she quietly said, "Son, have you ever kissed a mule's ass?"

The gunslinger swallowed hard and said, "No, ma'am .......
But I have always wanted to."

There are 5 lessons here for all of us:::

1 - Never be arrogant.
2 - Don't waste ammunition.
3 - Whiskey makes you think you're smarter than you are.
4 - Always make sure you know who has the power.
5 - Don't mess with old people; they didn't get old by being stupid.

I re-typed it for you, because it was all capitals. -- j
.


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  • Posted by Herb7734 10 years, 6 months ago
    A TV interviewer was interviewing a 100 year old woman. He asked the usual questions and then asked, "How is your health?" "Strong as an ox," she replied. "You mean you've never been bed-ridden?" he asked in wonder. Came the reply, "Oh yes, many times -- and twice in a canoe."
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  • Posted by ycandrea 10 years, 6 months ago
    Love this! I may repost on my FB page. Thanks for the humor JohnP.

    Andrea
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  • Posted by $ jlc 10 years, 6 months ago
    Ha! And a great Sunday morning read over a cup o'coffee and a home-made breakfast bar.

    And I think the gunslinger in the story was smart enough to have been worth saving.

    Thanks for removing the caps, I 'see' as yelling nowadays. I will send that story on to one of my sisters.

    Jan
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  • Posted by $ allosaur 10 years, 6 months ago
    It is 1982. I am an academy graduated qualified shooter corrections officer trainee doing night shift tower duty at an old prison in Atmore, Alabama, for six months before transferring to a new prison near Birmingham. I was no longer a trainee by the time I moved.
    Anyway, I am that tower and I am bored. The night has been very long. I am actually recalling things I have not thought about for years.
    The phone rings.
    I answer correctly: "Tower Four. Officer (my last name)."
    I recognize the voice of an experienced officer who asks, "Have you ever seen an elephant hide in a tree?"
    I say, "No."
    Voice says, "They hide pretty good, don't they?"
    The guy with the voice immediately hung up.
    I laughed so loud I'll bet any inmates awake could hear me across the prison yard.
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  • Posted by wiggys 10 years, 6 months ago
    she should have dropped him.
    the lessons would not change.
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  • Posted by $ MichaelAarethun 10 years, 6 months ago in reply to this comment.
    Get single buy a boat worked for me. The cost benefit ration has a very high rate of return. The trick is in choosing the right financial adviser or guide. If you are male find the most successful female legal shark in the area i don't recommend this for real marriages. I'm somewhat jealous of those who are making it work. But as an option....it beats FDIC and zero interest T Bills.
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  • Posted by 10 years, 6 months ago in reply to this comment.
    harHarHar ... very good!!! . my current wife and I have a code --
    if we hold up an index finger and get quiet, it's time for a break ...
    after awhile, we continue in a more civil manner... -- j
    .
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  • Posted by not-you 10 years, 6 months ago
    Elderly couple who had been married for 70 years were being interviewed about how they had managed to remain married for so long.

    The wife wasn't a big talker so the husband explained by relating an anecdote from their honeymoon which inspired him to be a devoted and faithful spouse.

    "We went on a mule back tour of the Grand Canyon on our honeymoon.

    My wife's mule was acting out and stumbled going down a steep grade causing her to fall off. She looked that mule straight in the eyes and says, "That's once," before remounting.

    This happened again, and my wife followed the exact same procedure.

    The third time it happened, my wife looked that mule straight in the eyes and said, "That's three times." Then she pulled out a 45 caliber pistol and shot the mule between the eyes--killing it.

    I said to her, "Honey, you didn't have to kill the poor thing."

    She looked me straight in the eyes and said, "That's once."
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  • Posted by $ MichaelAarethun 10 years, 7 months ago
    Sent it to my sister she runs one of those humor networks with too many addresses.
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