Good joke for a Saturday night
An old woman walked up and tied her old mule to the hitching post.
As she stood there, brushing some of the dust from her face
and her clothes, a young gunslinger stepped out of the saloon
with a gun in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other.
The gunslinger looked at the old woman and laughed, saying
"Hey, old woman, have you ever danced?"
The old woman looked up at the gunslinger and said,
"No ... I never did dance ... never really wanted to."
A crowd had gathered as the gunslinger grinned and said,
"Well, you old bag, you're gonna dance now," as he started
shooting at the old woman's feet.
The old woman, a prospector -- not wanting to get her feet
blown off -- started hopping around. . Everyone was laughing
when his last bullet had been fired, and when the young gunslinger,
still laughing, holstered his gun and turned around to go
back into the saloon.
The old woman turned to her pack mule, pulled out
a double-barreled shotgun, and cocked both hammers.
The loud clicks carried clearly through the desert air,
and the crowd stopped laughing immediately.
The gunslinger heard the clicks, too, and he turned around
very slowly. . The silence was almost deafening.
The crowd watched as the young gunman stared at the
old woman and the large gaping holes of the twin shotgun barrels.
The barrels of the shotgun never wavered in the old woman's
hands as she quietly said, "Son, have you ever kissed a mule's ass?"
The gunslinger swallowed hard and said, "No, ma'am .......
But I have always wanted to."
There are 5 lessons here for all of us:::
1 - Never be arrogant.
2 - Don't waste ammunition.
3 - Whiskey makes you think you're smarter than you are.
4 - Always make sure you know who has the power.
5 - Don't mess with old people; they didn't get old by being stupid.
I re-typed it for you, because it was all capitals. -- j
.
As she stood there, brushing some of the dust from her face
and her clothes, a young gunslinger stepped out of the saloon
with a gun in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other.
The gunslinger looked at the old woman and laughed, saying
"Hey, old woman, have you ever danced?"
The old woman looked up at the gunslinger and said,
"No ... I never did dance ... never really wanted to."
A crowd had gathered as the gunslinger grinned and said,
"Well, you old bag, you're gonna dance now," as he started
shooting at the old woman's feet.
The old woman, a prospector -- not wanting to get her feet
blown off -- started hopping around. . Everyone was laughing
when his last bullet had been fired, and when the young gunslinger,
still laughing, holstered his gun and turned around to go
back into the saloon.
The old woman turned to her pack mule, pulled out
a double-barreled shotgun, and cocked both hammers.
The loud clicks carried clearly through the desert air,
and the crowd stopped laughing immediately.
The gunslinger heard the clicks, too, and he turned around
very slowly. . The silence was almost deafening.
The crowd watched as the young gunman stared at the
old woman and the large gaping holes of the twin shotgun barrels.
The barrels of the shotgun never wavered in the old woman's
hands as she quietly said, "Son, have you ever kissed a mule's ass?"
The gunslinger swallowed hard and said, "No, ma'am .......
But I have always wanted to."
There are 5 lessons here for all of us:::
1 - Never be arrogant.
2 - Don't waste ammunition.
3 - Whiskey makes you think you're smarter than you are.
4 - Always make sure you know who has the power.
5 - Don't mess with old people; they didn't get old by being stupid.
I re-typed it for you, because it was all capitals. -- j
.
The wife wasn't a big talker so the husband explained by relating an anecdote from their honeymoon which inspired him to be a devoted and faithful spouse.
"We went on a mule back tour of the Grand Canyon on our honeymoon.
My wife's mule was acting out and stumbled going down a steep grade causing her to fall off. She looked that mule straight in the eyes and says, "That's once," before remounting.
This happened again, and my wife followed the exact same procedure.
The third time it happened, my wife looked that mule straight in the eyes and said, "That's three times." Then she pulled out a 45 caliber pistol and shot the mule between the eyes--killing it.
I said to her, "Honey, you didn't have to kill the poor thing."
She looked me straight in the eyes and said, "That's once."
if we hold up an index finger and get quiet, it's time for a break ...
after awhile, we continue in a more civil manner... -- j
.
Good one, though, updated for the current PC world... :)
Anyway, I am that tower and I am bored. The night has been very long. I am actually recalling things I have not thought about for years.
The phone rings.
I answer correctly: "Tower Four. Officer (my last name)."
I recognize the voice of an experienced officer who asks, "Have you ever seen an elephant hide in a tree?"
I say, "No."
Voice says, "They hide pretty good, don't they?"
The guy with the voice immediately hung up.
I laughed so loud I'll bet any inmates awake could hear me across the prison yard.
. . . and public scorn on TV . . .
Elephants don't stick to the roof of your mouth.
Do you know why elephants paint their toe nails red?
To hide in the cherry tree.
Ever see one
See it works!
To hide in the strawberry jello.
Ever see an elephant hiding in the fridge?
No
See it works!
You had to be alive in the '60's Not all the planet had that privilege. It started ok We gave the world Louie Louie then we something changed.
Cool jive way groovy flower power to the people brave new world candy mountain trips, man.
.
He passionately stated more than once that world would be a better place if all people were put out of their misery when they reached the age of 30.
After getting drafted, being placed in the Marines and obtaining vengeance with a GI Bill paid-for college diploma, I thought about that dude when I saw Logan's Run on TV during the mid 70s.
I also noticed after I reached the age of 30 that I had matured for the better.
Guess that year of male menopause I later survived does not count as a mental relapse--even if I could not afford that sporty car I somehow managed to "down trade" after too many months of tight money.
I used my g.i.bill also, every dime. . Thank You, Taxpayers!!!
my sporty car is an 06 Baja Turbo with 140k miles
and a radio whose front panel changes colors constantly
when it is on. . used car, repossessed. .we rednecks
love gaudy things, they must have thought. -- j
.
I'm not saying which school(s) but they had a program for just that sort of 'crack' and cut the tuition. They asked us not too and I think somebody with major bucks was funding it privately or had some influence. The books I used in the library for the most part. No kindle back then. The rest I used a credit card. I was in an off campus program and used any of three local colleges or universities when needed.
Nice thing about taking four years mostly at night I could pick and choose professors. No I didn't pick the Ayn Rand types etc. I picked the exact opposite Some pigs are more predictable than other pigs.
I looked for the one's that had a readily available set of tests and a hot point list. Long as could regurgitate what the Teaching Assistant said etc. etc. grades were no problem. I had a notebook so no matte where we were in the session IF I was asked a question I could answer it. Love those students who went before. Honor system? No. If there was the students system was better than the professors honor.
The second degree took a much greater effort. Well worth it. Especially defending against a group that really knew their stuff. Lessons from Revolutionary and Counter-Revolutionary Governments of Latin America As Applied To The Probability of External Terrorism in the USA. I was off by five or so years. Some of them didn't like my prediction of our government using the cycle of repression but passed me anyway... after all I had boots on the ground and they had ivy walls.
1933 Ford Roadster with as flat head, 1957 Chevy, 1961 Chevy, 1971 MGB GT some I'd rather forget and a 1969 twin opposed 900 cc Beemer.
Now I have athletic style shoes from Shoes For Crews and a Montague bicycle! Gratuitous plug for great products. Next a new dingy.
usaf reserve duty, including an intense course called
"air command and staff" which is supposed to take years.
I did it in 6 weeks. . made LC and retired in 98. . whew!
1959 english ford anglia -- 36 horsepower engine,
3 speed stick and 60 miles per hour downhill with a tailwind.
I bought a '71 harley fx instead of the bmw 900, and sold it for
four times the purchase price 42 years later. . fun now with
an '07 harley ultra classic named sue. -- j
.
and I think that it means the people gathered under its umbrella. -- j
.
Funny how as people got closer to 30, they started stretching that age out to 40, 50 etc.
which is in the stages of being returned to service.......
and I am way beyond 30!!! -- j
.
.
.
But Wife #1 and I did it on a mountaintop in Scotland...
:)
or cross your eyes. . survived 'em all. . there but for the grace
of Galt. . oh, well;;;; we have also learned to express our
gratitude in other terms. . and I'm only 66;;; it's not over yet!!! -- j
p.s. the fun thing is trying to best myself with the next
adventure -- planning for a Hawaii trip next summer,
we hope. . I've been there (on the way to Thailand
for the usaf) but my wife has not. . time for a trip!!!
and the harley is ready to GO, too!!!
.
Make sure to go to Kauai.
so there should be time for some exploring!!! -- j
.
Lots to do there... snorkel everywhere you can; take the river cruise up the only navigable river in Hawaii, take the helicopter tour over the Grand Canyon of the Pacific and enjoy the many fine restaurants... for starters!
I found the other islands to be gorgeous, each in their own ways, but without as much variety.
Enjoy!
.
helicopter reservation in advance for the canyon view
of a lifetime!!! -- j
.
.
.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oh!_Sus...
-- j
.
Only, he had a banjo on his knee, not our Susanne!
Hey Susanne - love your style.
I. will stick to dry spaggy moss. (Its usually found in swamps but when we get dry summers, well then ).
the only problems were range and repertoire, once I learned the
"bump" to go instantly between two notes. . then came the
"wolf whistle" which the dentist ruined. . oh well;;; it was
a short trip for my very conservative parents. -- j
.
"What song is that? Jingle Bells, Shotgun Shells mow them..."
This one from Pogo has lasted a life time.
Deck us all with Boston Charlie,
Walla Walla, Wash., an' Kalamazoo!
Nora's freezin' on the trolley,
Swaller dollar cauliflower alley-garoo!
Don't we know archaic barrel
Lullaby Lilla Boy, Louisville Lou?
Trolley Molly don't love Harold,
Boola boola Pensacoola hullabaloo!
Bark us all bow-wows of folly,
Polly wolly cracker 'n' too-da-loo!
Donkey Bonny brays a carol,
Antelope Cantaloupe, 'lope with you!
Hunky Dory's pop is lolly,
Gaggin' on the wagon, Willy, folly go through!
Chollie's collie barks at Barrow,
Harum scarum five alarm bung-a-loo!
Dunk us all in bowls of barley,
Hinky dinky dink an' polly voo!
Chilly Filly's name is Chollie,
Chollie Filly's jolly chilly view halloo!
Bark us all bow-wows of folly,
Double-bubble, toyland trouble! Woof, woof, woof!
Tizzy seas on melon collie!
Dibble-dabble, scribble-scrabble! Goof, goof, goof!
After a verse or two of that people beg me to go back to Papa Oooh Mow Mow.
So I shall - straight away.
with that??? -- j
.
The lead girl singer did the high octave parts
i can also do a fairly good Los Strait Jackets version of Wild Thing. Loco Que Patina En Su Coco... but if I get a sore throat country and western is a snap!
Not much future in show business....
Actually that's kind of cute. Probably a keeper for the collection of recollections.
p.s. my '07 has cruise control....... I've never used it!
.
.
.
.
And I think the gunslinger in the story was smart enough to have been worth saving.
Thanks for removing the caps, I 'see' as yelling nowadays. I will send that story on to one of my sisters.
Jan
the lessons would not change.
.
I got a standing ovation once for promising not to sing. I was not the quintessential All American Boy - song by the Fendermen
All enjoyed it. Thanks for the laugh!
.
Andrea