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Socialism, communism, fascism, nazism...and cows

Posted by eskslo 12 years, 1 month ago to Culture
32 comments | Share | Best of... | Flag

A little humor...a lot of truth. Enjoy Gulch.

SOCIALISM
You have 2 cows.
You give one to your neighbour

COMMUNISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and gives you some milk

FASCISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and sells you some milk

NAZISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and shoots you

BUREAUCRATISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then
throws the milk away

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy
grows.
You sell them and retire on the income

ROYAL BANK OF SCOTLAND (VENTURE) CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by
your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption
for five cows.
The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.
The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States , leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release.
The public then buys your bull.

SURREALISM
You have two giraffes.
The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to
produce the milk of four cows.
Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why
the cow has dropped dead.

A GREEK CORPORATION
You have two cows. You borrow lots of euros to build barns, milking sheds, hay stores, feed sheds,
dairies, cold stores, abattoir, cheese unit and packing sheds.
You still only have two cows.

A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three
cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce
twenty times the milk.
You then create a clever cow cartoon image called a Cowkimona and
market it worldwide.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows,
but you don't know where they are.
You decide to have lunch.

A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.
You charge the owners for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.
You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You worship them.

A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Both are mad.

AN IRAQI CORPORATION
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
You tell them that you have none.
No-one believes you, so they bomb the ** out of you and invade your country.
You still have no cows, but at least you are now a Democracy.

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Business seems pretty good.
You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
You have two cows.
The one on the left looks very attractive...


All Comments

  • Posted by rorbruce 12 years, 1 month ago
    This is great! However, you're too kind (and inaccurate, I think) re: socialism. With socialism,
    the state takes one of your cows and gives it to your neighbour. There's is nothing voluntary about socialism.
    Reply | Permalink  
  • Posted by Kabijama 12 years, 1 month ago
    I laughed so hard I cried! No--wait--I was so scared--I ran out and bought 5 more copies of Atlas Shrugged to pass out when I found someone who could read!
    Reply | Permalink  
  • Posted by UncommonSense 12 years, 1 month ago in reply to this comment.
    Good one, but I have one thing to add to the socialism one: because the neighbor refuses to work, thus the cow they received dies due to their willful negligence. The State then comes and takes your remaining cow and gives it to the same neighbor, out of "fairness".
    Reply | Permalink  
  • Posted by nedpilot 12 years, 1 month ago
    I would change this to read:

    1st:
    ALTRUISM:
    You have two cows
    You give one to your neighbor who lost his to a natural disaster

    SOCIALISM:
    You have two cows
    The state takes one and gives it to your neighbor who refuses to work
    Reply | Permalink  
  • Posted by patriot 12 years, 1 month ago
    Communism holds the record for deaths: double-digit millions! A lot of it by starvation. How about gives you a little milk occasionally if you are still alive?
    Reply | Permalink  
  • Posted by Pabjornedax 12 years, 1 month ago
    I never want to own or rent or let anyone tell me I have cows! I don't care how nice they look!
    Reply | Permalink  
  • Posted by Bobconl 12 years, 1 month ago
    Made me smile and laugh. Sometimes truth is just entertaining!
    Reply | Permalink  
  • Posted by fivedollargold 12 years, 1 month ago in reply to this comment.
    The EPA fines you $50,000 per day until you reduce carbon emissions from your cows' flatulence. The DOE then fines you $100,000 for operating a natural gas plant without a license. The Dept. of Labor gets a court to issue an injunction prohibiting your kids under 18 from tending the cows. Then Obama's newly minted Cow Czar issues 5,000 pages of regulations on size of stalls, types of cow feed, cow bathing requirements, and so forth. Finally, PETA pickets your farm until you agree not to slaughter the cows, allow "free-range" grazing, and return the border collie you bought to herd the cows to the animal shelter.
    Reply | Permalink  
  • Posted by khalling 12 years, 1 month ago in reply to this comment.
    I understand the newsfeed, it was the way I interpreted kathy's comment. I thought there was a new feature or something.
    Reply | Permalink  
  • Posted by UncommonSense 12 years, 1 month ago
    You forgot terrorism: you have 2 cows. Terrorists come up to you and blow themselves up, killing you and both of the cows. Israel is blamed for the deaths.
    Reply | Permalink  
  • Posted by Ben_C 12 years, 1 month ago
    I will save this for my daughter when she is discussing governments in school. Wicked funny sarcasm - the best!
    Reply | Permalink  
  • Posted by $ kathywiso 12 years, 1 month ago in reply to this comment.
    Not at all, this is a public forum :) Just wanted those in this post to know they were stars today :) The first time I saw this happen from facebook, I was surprised, but no problem. If you like Atlas Shrugged Movie and the book, at least it is people that feel the same way. Actually, I think it is very smart marketing,
    Reply | Permalink  
  • Posted by sdesapio 12 years, 1 month ago in reply to this comment.
    We link to Gulch posts all the time from facebook, twitter, email newsletters, etc. We actually refer to the Gulch almost daily.

    Is there an issue we need to be aware of Kathy?
    Reply | Permalink  
  • Posted by $ kathywiso 12 years, 1 month ago in reply to this comment.
    Did you "like" the AS movie ? AS society

    Atlas Shrugged The Movie
    HOT IN THE GULCH: "Socialism, communism, fascism, nazism...and cows"
    Socialism, communism, fascism, nazism...and cows - Galt's Gulch
    www.galtsgulchonline.com
    Reply | Permalink  

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