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Socialism, communism, fascism, nazism...and cows

Posted by eskslo 4 years, 8 months ago to Culture
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A little humor...a lot of truth. Enjoy Gulch.

SOCIALISM
You have 2 cows.
You give one to your neighbour

COMMUNISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and gives you some milk

FASCISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and sells you some milk

NAZISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and shoots you

BUREAUCRATISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then
throws the milk away

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy
grows.
You sell them and retire on the income

ROYAL BANK OF SCOTLAND (VENTURE) CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by
your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption
for five cows.
The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.
The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States , leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release.
The public then buys your bull.

SURREALISM
You have two giraffes.
The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to
produce the milk of four cows.
Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why
the cow has dropped dead.

A GREEK CORPORATION
You have two cows. You borrow lots of euros to build barns, milking sheds, hay stores, feed sheds,
dairies, cold stores, abattoir, cheese unit and packing sheds.
You still only have two cows.

A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three
cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce
twenty times the milk.
You then create a clever cow cartoon image called a Cowkimona and
market it worldwide.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows,
but you don't know where they are.
You decide to have lunch.

A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.
You charge the owners for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.
You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You worship them.

A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Both are mad.

AN IRAQI CORPORATION
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
You tell them that you have none.
No-one believes you, so they bomb the ** out of you and invade your country.
You still have no cows, but at least you are now a Democracy.

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Business seems pretty good.
You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
You have two cows.
The one on the left looks very attractive...


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  • 14
    Posted by davidkachel 4 years, 8 months ago
    OBAMAISM
    You have two cows.
    Obama takes them both, gives them to an inner city dweller, along with a new phone he forced you to pay for, and tells you it is fair because you had so much and he had so little.
    Obama bills you for housing your two cows because the inner city dweller has no idea what to do with cows and no land to keep them on.
    Obama charges you with the crime of allowing your two cows to shit on your land which is really his land because he declared it to be a wetland (your cows also peed on it).
    Obama throws you off your land to protect it from you.
    Obama sends you to prison for your heinous crimes against nature and you are forced to care for government animals as part of your sentence... two cows.
    Obama threatens to send your family members to prison too because they raised money to hire a lawyer to defend you.
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    • Posted by  $  fivedollargold 4 years, 8 months ago
      The EPA fines you $50,000 per day until you reduce carbon emissions from your cows' flatulence. The DOE then fines you $100,000 for operating a natural gas plant without a license. The Dept. of Labor gets a court to issue an injunction prohibiting your kids under 18 from tending the cows. Then Obama's newly minted Cow Czar issues 5,000 pages of regulations on size of stalls, types of cow feed, cow bathing requirements, and so forth. Finally, PETA pickets your farm until you agree not to slaughter the cows, allow "free-range" grazing, and return the border collie you bought to herd the cows to the animal shelter.
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  • Posted by Kabijama 4 years, 8 months ago
    I laughed so hard I cried! No--wait--I was so scared--I ran out and bought 5 more copies of Atlas Shrugged to pass out when I found someone who could read!
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  • Posted by patriot 4 years, 8 months ago
    Communism holds the record for deaths: double-digit millions! A lot of it by starvation. How about gives you a little milk occasionally if you are still alive?
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  • Posted by rorbruce 4 years, 8 months ago
    This is great! However, you're too kind (and inaccurate, I think) re: socialism. With socialism,
    the state takes one of your cows and gives it to your neighbour. There's is nothing voluntary about socialism.
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  • Posted by nedpilot 4 years, 8 months ago
    I would change this to read:

    1st:
    ALTRUISM:
    You have two cows
    You give one to your neighbor who lost his to a natural disaster

    SOCIALISM:
    You have two cows
    The state takes one and gives it to your neighbor who refuses to work
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    • Posted by UncommonSense 4 years, 8 months ago
      Good one, but I have one thing to add to the socialism one: because the neighbor refuses to work, thus the cow they received dies due to their willful negligence. The State then comes and takes your remaining cow and gives it to the same neighbor, out of "fairness".
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