Dad is Dying
Thought I'd share. It doesn't look like my dad is going to survive his bout with COVID. He's on ventilator, sedated. Not recovering. They are hinting that his lungs may never function without a machine for the rest of his life. So, that's not going to be how he continues on, if he makes it through this. His life has not been a pleasure cruise. It was more a dumpster fire...which to this Objectivist is very sad.
Cycle of life is funny. I'm raising two kids of my own. Trying so very hard to teach them the basic values that make life easy, simple. In my struggles to do that I've started to realize that "I'm the weirdo", as I joked to my son the other day. Now in my 5th decade I've come to realize that most people are drawn to trouble, drama, stupid decisions. I see it all around me and on tv. It's surreal. But, I digress. I spent Sunday visiting with my step mom to lift her spirits. As I started to leave their town in Nevada I stopped at a little riverside park to eat my lunch and take in the natural beauty. The place was empty except for just a few people. As I walked over to the restroom before leaving I walked by a very young couple, the lady was all excited as they both looked at the ring on her finger. What a beautiful place to propose. I looked over and said, "What's going on here!?" Of course they just got engaged and I was the first witness. Their excitement was really beautiful. The young lady was all smiles, and so beautiful. I took a photo for them with their phone before continuing on. These hints, these scenes that remind me of the cycle of life keep showing up around me and I really notice them now. Our lives are so precious.
Cycle of life is funny. I'm raising two kids of my own. Trying so very hard to teach them the basic values that make life easy, simple. In my struggles to do that I've started to realize that "I'm the weirdo", as I joked to my son the other day. Now in my 5th decade I've come to realize that most people are drawn to trouble, drama, stupid decisions. I see it all around me and on tv. It's surreal. But, I digress. I spent Sunday visiting with my step mom to lift her spirits. As I started to leave their town in Nevada I stopped at a little riverside park to eat my lunch and take in the natural beauty. The place was empty except for just a few people. As I walked over to the restroom before leaving I walked by a very young couple, the lady was all excited as they both looked at the ring on her finger. What a beautiful place to propose. I looked over and said, "What's going on here!?" Of course they just got engaged and I was the first witness. Their excitement was really beautiful. The young lady was all smiles, and so beautiful. I took a photo for them with their phone before continuing on. These hints, these scenes that remind me of the cycle of life keep showing up around me and I really notice them now. Our lives are so precious.
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There is a reason that solitary confinement is considered a harsh punishment everywhere.
I lost my wife this year in April. She was truly my soulmate, and a joy to be with for 40 years. She was an artist in paints and quilting, a SCUBA diver, mountain climber, and generally energized adventurer. Above all, she was a kind and caring person, with a great sense of humor and a smile that lit up the room the minute she entered.
What you will find, with the loss of someone so close is that you recognize a part of your own persona is missing. We don't consciously realize the symbiotic emotional relationship with a parent, spouse, or child that is close generates a different way of thinking that affects our decisions and actions. You find unexpected blanks in your thought process, and then you realize that you automatically considered what that loved one would think about your decision or action. Without them you have to find a new path of your own. It isn't easy, as I'm finding, to establish that new, independent life when there are obviously missing pieces.
What helps me, and I hope it will help you, is to share stories about the wise advice you got from your dad, and happy moments and funny stories you shared. It's a reminder of how lucky we were to have known and loved a very special person. We are social creatures, and the COVID restrictions make it hard to reach out to friends and get close support. I hope you have people close to you that will help support and understand your grief.
It's a mouthful.
A few years earlier my mother died of a stroke, which was in a way a blessing with her mind pretty well lost to Alzheimer's.
Last year on October 13 (what a creepy date!) one of my brothers evidently fell asleep driving and died of blunt force trauma in a one-car crash off Interstate 65 in hilly Tennessee.
I'm the eldest and Tom was number four out of five brothers (no sisters). I kinda figured I'd go first. Instead it was the second youngest?!
Just shows you never know. With the good there's always the bad. That's life. Or just the way it is.
I am overjoyed you have the life tools and the opportunity to share this so timely.
I didn't want him to continue to struggle in ICU like he was. Talk about a teaching opportunity for my kids...We're talking already about what really matters in life.
Everybody here keep your hands clean. Avoid crowds. Know that the N95 mask is effective. Vitamins D and C. Let's get through this commie virus...
I thinQ that I speak for many on this board, in expressing my sorrow for you. Your father is a good man to raise a son who is so thoughtful and caring. You are a terrific father to your boys.
Peace and from me blessings.
DOB
Did they try hyperbaric oxygen...?