Is this what men want?
If this what we want then I have not found it yet. 2 wives and numerous girlfriends and I don't think that woman the article talks about exists. I guess it is meant to still be searching or something like that.
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If you want a partner in helping with the day to day chores great but you would be wise to hire the help instead of marrying. The idea of finding a woman that allows you to be better is more reasonable to seek.
I say for long term success a couple needs to build a strong foundation of basic common goals.
The me can be there if the we is the priority for both. The care, love and support will not be an even exchange at all times but should be there when needed. Chemistry is a given. Marriage and relationships require attention just like any quality effort. Do not underestimate the value of communication , know what you want and need from your spouse and tell them, just because you might be able to anticipate needs ,your lover may not. Teach and be taught. To share all that life and living offers with someone else is a gift to be cherished.
I think men especially would like a spouse that will support them in their efforts to succeed.
"The women behind the man" seems to come to mind and of course ladies...it could be the other way around too or both at the same time.
The first indication I had that I'd finally found my real mate was on our first date. I was pontificating on something, and she grinned at me and said "You're so full of s**t." It took me a minute to get over the shock of her comment, but then I realized I'd never have to guess what was on her mind. I'd been married to a woman who would pout for a week over something I said, or didn't say, or did, or didn't do, and it was a guessing game, with her admonishing me "If you really loved me, you'd know what's wrong."
To this day I've never had to guess what's on my sweetheart's mind, and it makes life much easier. She always says she tells the truth and is prepared to run like hell if I don't like it. For me it's all about honesty and trust. Once that's established, everything else takes care of itself.
It's nice if it all falls into place where one person wants to clean and the other person wants to maintain the car. The trick is figuring it out, which requires clear communication. Some people (usually men) don't get hints and need it spelled out: "I sort of enjoy cleaning the car but can't stand getting under the hood. Do you mind if I cleaned up a bit, or do you already have it how you like it? Would you mind checking out how a noise my car has been making, or is it better just to take it to a mechanic?" The other person has to be strong enough to be honest: "I'd love if you wanted to clean up. I don't enjoy getting under the hood either, so we should take it to the mechanic, but maybe I could cook a nice meal and clean up the kitchen; I like doing that; and you could clean the car if you enjoy it."
When my wife and I first got married, we were uncomfortable turning things over to each other. We were 32 y/o, and we knew how to hire IT companies and attorneys and take care of ourselves. Ten years later, I have her read contracts and I blindly sign them. She has me set up her electronics and re-balance our portfolio, trusting I'm taking precautions to keep her clients' data and our wealth safe. She used to be annoyed when attorneys, accountants, brokers, insurance agents, put my name first on documents. Now she likes it because she doesn't want to deal with formulas and models anyway, and who cares if some nitwit thinks I'm the "man of the house".
It took a long time to figure this out, and I'm not saying I have it all figured out.
I agree that entire message. I think some young women think they have "pay their dues", as it were, putting up with boyfriends' idiosyncrasies for a while, and then once you get serious all that weirdness will have to go. I almost think they tell girls that the nature of dating is to put up with stuff you don't like, never say it aloud, and then once you snag him he won't mind your changing fundamental things about him.
I know, and I don't get why we've gone backwards on this issue. It's almost like we think sexism has been nailed so we can now encourage kids to indulge in the fantasy of being a princess who a prince will rescue and provide all material and spiritual support. If you raise an eyebrow to it, they'll say the girls have "leadership skills" because they're comfortable demanding what they want like a boss. I'm all for getting what you want, but that comes by fair trades giving others what they want. Feminism has gone way backwards in my lifetime. When I was a kid and had my Free to Be record, I knew it was not correct to call toys boy toys or girl toys, even though most boys/girls tend to chose certain types of toys. Now if you're a little kid who likes a toy associated with other sex, people wonder if they're transgender. Maybe some of them are, but often it's just individuals doing their own thing, and we feel we have to shoehorn them into a group.
There it is.................. BT
I chose never to marry, and have not regretted it. But if I were in that market, the fact that a woman has an agenda that involves changing me would be an absolute red flag. I'm fine the way I already am. The woman I'd want to be with is already fine too.
It states things as facts with no corroboration to speak of, at all. To impose general rules on men is as silly as trying to "understand women." Which has been a male outcry for centuries. The most they can say with any truth or accuracy, is that these statements may be true with certain men sometimes.
This is much more entertaining and at least as helpful ;^)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=APPfT...
In both cases, I married an equal. My first wife was smarter than me - maybe why it didn't work out... - but we were both committed to "equality of opportunity" when it came to work life and home life. In both case, our intellectual and aesthetic interests were different, but similar; our skills and interests were and are supplemental and complementary, sometimes congruent, occasionally identical. In both cases, My experience is pretty close to CG's.
As for men being "helpful" and "doing things for..." for one thing, both people have to have that attitude of caring, or else the marriage is just about property rights across families, very olde worlde.
I agree with FFA that Yahoo is not the place to look for insight and wisdom. The article was just a bunch of ignorant blather - a popcorn leaping out of our culture of the millennial moment -- but it opened the door to some discussion here.
Then as soon as she has the ring on her finger, bam! She now has what she wants and you can't take it back. So from then on, you're getting a lot less, and at the slightest provocation you're sleeping on the couch.
If you let this happen, you've just learned Briffault's Law the hard way. https://www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/c...
Lessons here: (1) Don't marry. (2) Rather than be deceived as above, turn the tables. String her along by letting her think (but never actually saying) that someday you'll commit to her. As long as she believes that, you'll continue to get the goodies.
And if you're the guy who just wants the sex without the commitment, you should know that psychological studies show that married men get more frequent and better sex...
Ultimately, both sides' sexual strategy either is based on (at least passive) deception, or loses, because each side has its own, perfectly valid goals and they are not compatible with each other.
"Ultimately, both sides' sexual strategy either is based on (at least passive) deception..."
I gathered from one of your other posts that you are not married. With that view of marriage I can see how you would have such negative views.
My wife and I have been married for almost 20 years. We've had our rough patches as all marriages do, but there is no basis of deceit in it on either part. Have I seen deceit in marriages? Yup. And those are never happy or stable. But I've also seen the happy marriages where the husband and wife love each other and their children. And from personal experience there is nothing like it.
suckered that way.
I can't tell if this sarcastic/ironic, but taken literally it is a hardcore insult to the women in question.
It's actually a very simple question of self-control and being willing to work towards what you want. Think of it as an investment in one's self. How can you invest yourself fully into a marriage (which is the ultimate commitment) when you've already spent much of your capital? And if you come in with little capital, it's going to take a lot longer for that capital to grow and become self-sustaining in comparison to someone who comes in with a lot of capital. There's also the security and risk to take into account: if you've ever "invested" in another relationship, the risk has been and always will be greater that you will repeat that action. The downside is that there really isn't any reward for the high risk, neither does "diversifying your portfolio" gain you anything.
It sounded like it was saying, "the best thing she's good for is...", which in my mind is tantamount to calling her a whore.
Those who devalue sex are those who are willing to sell it so cheaply. One can see it merely as a physical act of pleasure, or one can see it as a special relationship-building tool and as a way to bring children to that relationship. Which one is an accurate depiction of reality?
1. Psychiatrist Thomas Szasa states: "Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they won't change"
2. There are two times a man does not understand a woman- Just before he marries her, and then again just after he marries her.
that I want, maybe then I'll worry about getting him
to pop the question. (Note that I said "find", not
"get"; but a long time has passed, and I no longer
expect it).
One of the biggest mistakes a person can make in life is to assume that romantic love exists, or at least that his partner is primarily driven by it.
Besides, arbitration is an option.
Because you're afraid that your wanting to won't last?
I'd much rather have it official. (In the hypothetical case of anything occurring in the first place, I mean).
(Never married and my two closest friends (25 years) are single women.)
I think they take women aside and tell them, "be a good person and be sure not to put your needs ahead of others". Maybe it's not just women, but I really most of the girlfriends I knew before I got married would have benefited greatly from Ayn Rand. They did what others wanted, were less than happy about it, but felt like people should be grateful for the charity and reciprocate it. They think that scenario of an informal quid pro quo of one person cleaning the car and the other person fixing it is dirty, but each person doing what he/she doesn't like is somehow virtuous.
When it comes to relationships, in Fountainhead she says she loathes the notion of men saying they're interested in a woman they don't fancy as some twisted favor. Men are the same way. I assume it's true for people who are gay and/or don't identify as one traditional gender. No one wants pity and sacrifice.