That sounds very interesting, I will check it out.

What should you do ??

Just realize that there is a big difference between Church and the Orginal Teachings. Personally, I think the Original Teachings are more closer to Individualism,.... but that's my take.

Being raised Christian in my earlier years and completely turned off by Churches etc, I now follow Falun Dafa , which has its roots in the Buddha School (not to be confused with present day Buddhism, etc.) It's spirituality is all about the individual cultivating himself and only himself , through exercise, body, and mind purification.

There are many, many paths to enlightenment, I hope you find your specific and particular path, freed from the needless worrying about what others may think or how they will judge you. Others are unimportant when it comes to your "individual" enlightenment. Just my personal opinion.

Well done, you are using your mind. You are thinking. That is a process beyond many.
As for me, a strict fundamentalist atheist, I come across a fair number of people, some are admirable, some are not, what I cannot do is classify from just knowing if they are a believer or not.

I was raised by a full blood Comanche Indian grandmother who was a Pentecostal law minister. She assured me the one question you better be able to answer is...'Have you kept faith with God!' I can say, 'yep' easily. Nothing sways my faith. N

“The Church” (as practiced in the modern west) and God are two different things. With that new data recompile your belief system and see if that helps.

Interesting question that may trigger all kinds of mayhem. Probably not here, though. As an engineer, man of science and a guy who grew up going to Baptist church I marvel at my own development in this area. Can't cover it all here. But, I wish you all the best in your quest.

Quest-I-On or Quest-Shun
Seems you have chosen the former. "I have not arrested my development as a human being" is an expression I use.

The first objective philosophy I embraced was from Tao te'ching. My preference of interpretation was published as American prose by poet Witter Bynner in 1944, entitled; The Way Of Life According to Lao Tzu. This work helped me see my interaction with life and my universe in simple concept; relationships and choices. It is now 45 years re-reading the poetry at least monthly.
The second objective philosophy: The Objectivist's Ethics, authored by Rand and delivered in 1961 in Wisconsin. I've found the two mesh well and have helped me resolve much subjective internal conflict with my thoughts and emotions. This is now ten years exposure. I set out to prove Rand wrong. The only real "vacancy" I could find in the work is the lack of the expression "I care". When I care, the work takes on depth and breadth.

This can be a dark journey. Beliefs are rooted deeply and more difficult to change, should you wish to go through the discomfort. I have faced, and am still wrestling with a few of my own demons of perception vs reality. I am happier for the journey.

I am life
The purpose of life is continuity
Life continues by two mechanisms
Processing energy
Procreation
If either is disrupted Life may be come extinct or evolve.
Live is experienced through three mechanisms
Comfort/Discomfort
Happiness/Unhappiness
Equity/ Inequity ..... the human process of emotional, mental and commercial exchange.

This is the simple beginning. You may not believe this, You may have to learn this. You cannot avoid this.

Draw a high altitude view of a hurricane, write in a capital I in the center. Sit peacefully in the "I" of the storm and observe.

Hi Dagney! Your experience is similar to mine, and I suspect many here in the Gulch. Some here in the Gulch are still religious. Some are adamant that you can't be a true objectivist and still be religious.

Welcome, and feel free to ask questions. For the most part, I have found people here to be friendly and helpful.

My wife is still very religious (Methodist). I still go with her to church, and I have friends there who I even meet outside of church. Most religious people I have met are very nice and friendly. I suspect many would not or could not accept the lessons of Atlas Shrugged. I don't consider them enemies because of that. But I tend to shy away from serious theological discussions with them.

Have you read any Heinlein? I think it was "To Sail Beyond the Sunset" the main character has a lengthy discussion with her dad about being non-religious in a religious society. Some good advice in there, I thought.

read Darwin's Black Box for a clue

a church was founded my men and we are seeing the results of that, with the church scandals, the power scandals in those churches, how someone calling themselves a "priest" can harm an innocent...

follow God's 2 Laws
Love God
Love Each Other

and you have to understand just what each of those 2 statements means

hint: if you Love someone, you do not allow them to have someone else or themselves

it is complicated

Which is more objective?
a) belief that humans are the highest form of life in the universe based on knowledge limited by human technology and observation, or
b) accepting the possibility that a more technologically advanced form of life may exist in the universe.

Perhaps there is a 'middle ground' between your two choices that accepts both objective reality and faith, e.g., Deism?
(Just a speculation. I do not promote any formal religion.)

I was raised as a Roman Catholic, altar boy, learned a little Latin, loved the Latin Mass.

As an adult, I studied hard and came to understand that no one using Aristotle's logic and Galileo's scientific method had ever proven whether the universe was created, or, if the matter, energy and motion we perceive has always existed. Therefore, the belief in a creator was and is entirely emotionally based and not provable.

Humans are capable of three things that no other mammal can do viz. Reason, Emotions, and Imagination. The tool of Reason is logic specifically Aristotle’s logic as found in his Organon. The tool of Emotions is Faith. The tool of Imagination is Creativity. Properly integrated, these three functions allow we humans to Think.

As I recall John Galt's advice to Dagny Taggert in the Gulch "In any conflict between your mind and your heart, always go with your mind"

Hope this helps.