An Objectivist Parenting Decision
Posted by Abaco 7 years, 10 months ago to Philosophy
So, thought I'd get my fellow Objectivist's thoughts. I have a son, 12. It appears he wants to quit his soccer team. For a long time, he has been asking the coach to put him in at forward so he can score goals. But, the coach repeatedly plays him in defense. My son's the fastest on the team. They had a 40-yd race at practice last week and he beat all the other players by a good 5 yards or more. Two weeks ago my son got pulled from a game because he took a soccer ball to the head. When he told the coach he was ready to go back in it just so happened that the position that needed to be filled was at forward. The team was getting killed, down 4-0 just before half time. With a minute or so left my son took a pass, raced by the opposing players and kicked a goal. Since being cubby-holed in defense for a few years in the sport it was his first outdoor goal ever. I wasn't there, but I understand the crowd went nuts, and it was clear he was a good offensive weapon. Since that halftime on we're back to the same thing - stuck on defense. Well, my son has a love of golf and it's pretty clear to me that he'd rather go practice that and play in tourneys than continue to play golf. He's been hinting this at me for a couple weeks now. You know...my first reaction is the ole "You need to stick to commitments...blah, blah, blah..." (the stuff I was raised on). But, you know what? I think my message will be, "Don't be committed to those who aren't committed to you", and encourage him to quit mid-season to pursue golf.
In my boy's case, he has suffered with substantial developmental problems since a year old. He has fought through it and recovered so well that he and I were included in an international documentary on the subject. He's come a long, long way and I'm very proud of him and what we've accomplished. But, early in soccer, 7 years ago or so, he was stuffed in as a defender because he was really struggling. Now, he's a serious offensive threat but the coach won't play him on offense. Of course, the coaches son plays on offense.
Anyway...I think there are some real lessons here and I appreciate your input.
In my boy's case, he has suffered with substantial developmental problems since a year old. He has fought through it and recovered so well that he and I were included in an international documentary on the subject. He's come a long, long way and I'm very proud of him and what we've accomplished. But, early in soccer, 7 years ago or so, he was stuffed in as a defender because he was really struggling. Now, he's a serious offensive threat but the coach won't play him on offense. Of course, the coaches son plays on offense.
Anyway...I think there are some real lessons here and I appreciate your input.
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It is not unusual for every kid and every parent involved in a youth sport to think that the coach is favoring his son and that may or may not be true. What is true is that coach is giving up a lot of his time to support a youth program in your community for no monetary compensation and needs to be cut some slack. If he is being unfair, that's on him. His son is only one player and needs 10 other guys to play. So, if you like soccer there is plenty of opportunity to play. Deciding to play or not is your son's decision. Deciding where he plays is the coach's decision. Sports are like that-----so is life.
Having a 12-y/o with a history of developmental issues initiate this tough conversation may be too much to ask. If he manages to do it graciously, he developmentally way ahead of most kids.
A few questions to ponder. Is he a good defender? Does he love the game enough that he wants to contribute to the best of his ability, in any position needed? What if the coach resigns after the season ends and there's a new coach next year, possibly opening the opportunity to play forward next year? Would the opportunity exist if he quits this year?
My position, commitment is very important. It is a matter of personal pride. Finish what you start at almost any cost. Finish the season and don't sign up next year. My 2 cents, for what it is worth. :)
Do you think he needs more experience in a team environment? If so, then perhaps a different place to play soccer where his talents would be appreciated, or getting him interested in another team sport that can utilize his abilities.
Going into an individual performance sport like golf might be best done in addition to the team "experience" as you have already been doing.
It sounds like he has had 7 years in the current situation. To me, that is long enough frustration. How would the coach respond if your son left the team? Sometimes people don't appreciate what they have until it's gone.