In Honor of USPTO Stupidity
Vanity Plate Tale #12: XPLTIV
Mark’s eyes constantly shifted, searching the area around the bus stop. He trembled slightly as he practiced his lines under his breath. “Sirs and Madams, pardon my most inopportune intrusion upon this auspicious meeting. I seek only the approval…”
A buzz sounded, and Mark jumped. He glanced to his right and saw a speaker next to the bench. A computerized voice spoke. “Word not allowed. First warning, Citizen Mark.”
“Pardon?”
“Word ‘pardon’ is still allowed. Word ‘the’ is now trademarked. Be advised, penalty for use of word is five hundred euro.”
Mark’s head spun as he tried to accommodate yet another word trademarked for private use by some troll. How the hell was he supposed to talk at work without the word “the?” The injustice of it all angered him, and his trembling increased. He tried valiantly to keep his mind from spinning out of control.
“Please acknowledge, Citizen Mark.” The computerized voice pushed Mark over an invisible line, and his lips moved before his mind could rein them in.
“Fuck!” he yelled, and kicked the speaker. The grate guarding it bent, but didn’t break.
“Word not allowed. Penalty for use is five hundred euro.”
© 2013 Jonathan Kahn
Mark’s eyes constantly shifted, searching the area around the bus stop. He trembled slightly as he practiced his lines under his breath. “Sirs and Madams, pardon my most inopportune intrusion upon this auspicious meeting. I seek only the approval…”
A buzz sounded, and Mark jumped. He glanced to his right and saw a speaker next to the bench. A computerized voice spoke. “Word not allowed. First warning, Citizen Mark.”
“Pardon?”
“Word ‘pardon’ is still allowed. Word ‘the’ is now trademarked. Be advised, penalty for use of word is five hundred euro.”
Mark’s head spun as he tried to accommodate yet another word trademarked for private use by some troll. How the hell was he supposed to talk at work without the word “the?” The injustice of it all angered him, and his trembling increased. He tried valiantly to keep his mind from spinning out of control.
“Please acknowledge, Citizen Mark.” The computerized voice pushed Mark over an invisible line, and his lips moved before his mind could rein them in.
“Fuck!” he yelled, and kicked the speaker. The grate guarding it bent, but didn’t break.
“Word not allowed. Penalty for use is five hundred euro.”
© 2013 Jonathan Kahn
Has been tried-on by the Russian mafia and by a well known US software buyer. Awaits the next profitable alliance between statists and crony capitalists.
this is not how the trademark process works. This assumes no originality. Shakespeare uses the word "the" in every sonnet, play he wrote. no originality? Yes, the trademark revocation of Redskins was politically motivated and shows the crony relationship of govt and the private sector. I read your tale as an absurd take on what can be trademarked and how individuals and companies are kept from doing business and living without fear of violation. Trademarks are specific to not only their industry but sub classifications. for instance-draw an apple, eat an apple, call your daycare Apple Daycare. Do not make computers and call them Apples.
Cheers! :)
I have a follow-up question. Considering the originality rule, does it mean that perhaps no major-league team should have trademark protection? It seems to me that none of the teams have original names (e.g. Cowboys, Yankees, Nets). Genuine question, since I'm no expert.
all can register the images associated with their
names -- like a business' logo (e.g. Coca-Cola).
the circled R, or the old reg-us-pat-off, was
associated with the image, which contains the
name. -- j
I pointed out that it was satire and therefore Disney would look like a flock of donkeys if they sued. Never heard from them again.
Horrific abuse of Copyright law.
They should not be able to keep the creations of Walt Disney's mind copyrighted in perpetuity.
Think about D'Anconia's money speech and the bit about the worthless heir...
A trademark is a word, sound, logo, etc that has become associated with a particular source of a particular good or service. So if PARDON were trademarked, it would have to be for a particular good such as cowboy hats. The fact that PARDON was trademarked would not stop you from using the word "pardon", it would only stop you from using it with hats.