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Sexy Time at the Airport

Posted by $ Abaco 9 years, 9 months ago to Culture
32 comments | Share | Best of... | Flag

So, I had to fly out on a business trip recently. I noticed that they funnel everybody through the machine that xrays your clothing. So, I assumed the surrender pose and got zapped. Then, afterward I really got groped good. My private parts were lifted and fondled. They looked down my pants, squeezed my thighs, even swabbed my hands. They even made sure there wasn't a terrorist between my buns. I felt so safe afterward! But, as I walked off with my shoes in my hand and my belt undone like I just had a tryst in the back of a cab it dawned on me, "Hey...our borders are wide open. HEY!"


All Comments

  • Posted by $ 9 years, 9 months ago
    As they swabbed my hands I thought, "What if I'm coming from the gun range?"

    America's finished. You all do realize that, right?
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  • Posted by $ nickursis 9 years, 9 months ago in reply to this comment.
    It always seems to. People just want to believe in the fairy tale they want, not the reality they have. The Clinton email thing is a classic poster girl story of greed, corruption and arrogance, yet no one will debate the issue beyond "those evil right wingers". It interferes with the fantasy...
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  • Posted by richrobinson 9 years, 9 months ago in reply to this comment.
    Amazing. I remember a woman doing a youtube video about how she felt groped by TSA. She was a former beauty pageant contestant and obviously very attractive. She was in tears as she related the story of what happened to her. The story made the news but faded quickly.
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  • Posted by $ nickursis 9 years, 9 months ago in reply to this comment.
    Pure BS, unscientific testing with calibrated equipment. You would think the airlines would eventually figure it out, but they just created the whole "pay us if you do not want to go through it" thing. I got an email from both United and Delta saying I can pay 300.00 a year to be "precertified" with them. BS...
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  • Posted by $ nickursis 9 years, 9 months ago in reply to this comment.
    That is why I fly as little as often, why pay for someone to abuse you at the airport, then turn yourself over to an airline to abuse and delay and compact you in a chair made for a stunted midget,and pay for it? You can find free abusers on Craiglist...
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  • Posted by $ nickursis 9 years, 9 months ago in reply to this comment.
    There was an article and video about a girl who had gotten cancer treatment, and they roughed her up pretty badly. She is blind in one eye and partially deaf, and had just finished. The video speaks for itself, and it just slid by the mainstream. They filed a lawsuit a week ago but I am sure it will be fended off. Justice has nothing else to do but send lawyers to defend the Empire, they sure are not about investigating real criminals.
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  • Posted by Donald-Brian-Lehoux 9 years, 9 months ago
    I will fix that . Vote veteran someone that puts America B4 any party, we come from all backgrounds. Divide and conquer is what they do. End double standard,DC politician on Obamacare,SS mrpresident2016.com
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  • Posted by CircuitGuy 9 years, 9 months ago in reply to this comment.
    "Any of you guys get groped by a female TSA agent?"
    A pretty airport security checker groped me at TPA in late 2001. It only lasted a few seconds, and she seemed uncomfortable. They had just increased security. She was at a separate pre-screening area. There was no male present. I think they had scrambled to add at least the appearance of more security after the Sept 11 attacks, and part of that was a pre-screen with a metal detector wand prior to main security. It must have been responding the metal in my zipper, and she didn't know how to handle the situation besides patting me down.
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  • Posted by Herb7734 9 years, 9 months ago
    The TSA is why,
    I no longer fly
    Patting me down like I was a spy.
    I'm too old for this kind of stuff,
    I had to cry, Alright - enough!
    But what really caused me too much pain,
    Is when they wanted to confiscate my cane.
    So that is why,
    I no longer fly,
    Flying is something that I will pass,
    And if they don't like it -- they can kiss my -- credit card.
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  • Posted by fivedollargold 9 years, 9 months ago
    Any of you guys get groped by a female TSA agent? Do you get her phone number?
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  • Posted by ObjectiveAnalyst 9 years, 9 months ago
    Hello Abaco,
    I recently went through the TSA assault line too.
    I had basically the same treatment. Under any other circumstance I could have had the person arrested and prosecuted. I don't think I am going to fly again anytime soon. Perhaps I should get that pilots license I started and then gave up on years ago when my parents sold the plane...
    You are right; illegals are treated better.
    Respectfully,
    O.A.
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  • Posted by johnpe1 9 years, 9 months ago
    seems like schizophrenia to me -- check between
    your buns but let the door to the house stay open
    all night -- not just unlocked! . it results from scatterbrained
    logic in life without grounding principles, IMHO -- we
    have "any means to an end" folks piecing our lives
    together from components which do not integrate
    into a coherent philosophy. . Rand is spinning in
    her grave. -- j
    .
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  • Posted by DrZarkov99 9 years, 9 months ago
    My wife and I are both over 70 and caucasian, and are on the TSA pre-check list, but there seems to be almost an air of resentment on the part of some TSA personnel that we aren't subject to the same delays as everyone else. I suspect some supervisors are aware of this, and watch the behavior of the agents on the floor.

    On our last trip, one female agent seemed determined to accuse my wife (who uses a wheelchair) of being a suspected terrorist, claiming her hand swabs showed explosive residue, and claiming she "failed" the subsequent pat-down. She was about to take her to a private room for a strip search when a phone rang, and the agent was ordered to let us through. The other agents seemed relieved, but she was furious. It takes all kinds.
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  • Posted by wiggys 9 years, 9 months ago
    the next time I board a plane it will be the one I charter. since I am not a rock star the chances of that happening are less than slim and none. as I look back, I have in excess of a million miles in the sky and do not expect to add one more. in addition it is not very worthwhile any more. being on an airplane unless you like being on a bus at 30,000 feet.
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  • Posted by $ allosaur 9 years, 9 months ago in reply to this comment.
    When I was a state corrections officer, I would have to pat down inmates coming out of the chow hall and genitals we were not expected to touch.
    So I happily did not. (Metal spoons were a favorite utensil for shiv conversions).
    As for any groping, don't know about a certain five officers who were caught and fired for having sex with inmates during my 21-year-career
    Only one of those officers was of the opposite sex.
    Oh, the wonderful memories to look back on during my retirement years!
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  • Posted by $ MichaelAarethun 9 years, 9 months ago
    You have to be a pervert to work for TSA. What else are they good for. But then hey...everyone deserves a job doing what they love best.

    I don't fly in or out of the US anymore. Not even a layover or enroute stop.
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  • Posted by $ Thoritsu 9 years, 9 months ago
    Do it every week. Don't ya love it? Makes me feel so safe that no one can have a bottle bigger than 100ml, but can have ten bottles. Clearly no one smarter than a fourth grader could outsmart the DHS geniuses. Slows us down, makes travel a hassle, wastes money. However look, how else could we employ all the out of work Walmart greeters except DHS? Obviously a bomb planted in the huge, congested line leading to security wouldn't hurt anyone...
    ...and who do we have to thank for this? Not Obama! Not Clinton! Bush and Cheney, yes! The republicans!

    BTW they are not x-rays. Hey are millimeter wavelength scans that penetrate clothes and reflect off slightly thicker stuff.

    Also BTW, overseas they do not worry about gender in the pat downs. Sometimes you get lucky!
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  • Posted by jimjamesjames 9 years, 9 months ago
    The purpose of the TSA is to train you to behave when they want you on the cattle cars to take you to the FEMA camps.
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  • Posted by gerstj 9 years, 9 months ago in reply to this comment.
    Great comment, but the TSA has no humor and you would have had the additional fun of a strip search and interrogation.and maybe more. Submission is demanded and these procedures are designed to assure that the infidels will be ready for their Muslim overlords.
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  • Posted by richrobinson 9 years, 9 months ago
    I would have asked why we didn't go to dinner and a movie first. TSA seems so be a waste of resources. Excellent point about the borders.
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