THE Official JGFLA GOP Cleveland Debate Pregame and Drinking Game Rules

Posted by Zenphamy 5 years, 10 months ago to Politics
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I didn't read this soon enough. Jeez and SCB's, I'd feel a lot better.

THE Official JGFLA GOP Cleveland Debate Pregame and Drinking Game Rules
by John Galt
August 6, 2015 16:50 ET

Tonight, the RINOs and a few Americans will participate in a Republican Party sponsored debate on the Fox News Channel so as to finally give America a chance to see how screwed we are as a nation if any of the losers on the stage actually break through and demonstrate that they have a chance, no matter how thin, to win the nomination. God help us if someone puts moonshine in the drinking water and somehow Mike Huckabee becomes the Republican nominee as I’d have to seriously study the election campaign in Ecuador along with the real estate situation for a potential escape.

To begin tonight’s coverage, this website and its political expertise shall start with a pregame show preview of the participants followed by the rules for tonight.

5 p.m. ET, the Romper Room Debate live on the Fox News Channel

Participants/summary of who they are or closely related to:

1. Jim Gilmore – Might as well be “Happy Gilmore” or the old guy you occasionally see on the side of a milk carton at the grocery store.

2. Carly Fiorina = Token


3. Lindsey Graham = Republican version of Jimmy Carter


4. Bobby Jindal =


Yup, that guy and I take about as serious as Apu Nahasapeemapetilon also.

5. Rick Perry – Without a doubt one of the best Governors of Texas in history(that Mexico ever had).

6. Rick Santorum – The sore loser of 2012 returns to add, uh, er, um, what again to the election?

7. George Pataki – Who? What? Why? Who cares? By the way Governor, New York still sucks.

9 p.m. ET, The Big Circus Comes to Cleveland via the Fox News Channel
1. Donald Trump – Former Democrat porno star becomes mainstream Republican soft porn sensation.

2. Ted Cruz =


3. Jeb Bush – The modern Republican reincarnation of Mike Dukakis:


4. Marco Rubio – The equivalent of a grandma’s bowl of plastic fruit. It looks good, but it’s fake and hollow inside.


5. Chris Christie – The picture says it all.


6. Rand Paul – He’s most akin to C3PO as he’s nice, likeable, sometimes hilarious, says some very smart things then does something stupid like aligning with Mitch McConnell or Darth Vader.


7. Ben Carson – Mr. Smith Goes to Washington


8. Scott Walker = Anakin Skywalker, as I fear he can be turned to the Dark Side.


9. Mike Huckabee – The Carnival Barker of these proceedings as he has zero chance of winning but will sell a LOT of snake oil along the way.

10. John Kasich = Arnold Horseshack. He is the RINO who knows everything and annoys everyone.


5 p.m. Debate – Who cares, do whatever you want, nobody is watching anyways.

9 p.m. Debate:
Trump mentions he’s a billionaire – 1/2 shot (don’t want you passing out in hour 1)

Rand Paul attacks Trump – 1 drink

Ted Cruz proves his smarter than everyone else – 2 drinks

Chris Christie snorts during his answer – 3 drinks

Chris Christie answers a question like a conservative – 1 drink

John Kasich acts like Horseshack – 1 drink

Jeb Bush apologizes for anything – 2 drinks

Jeb Bush says “as Governor of Florida” or words to that effect 1 drink

Ben Carson attacks ANYONE – 1 drink (rare so make it a good one)

Scott Walker sighs – 1 drink

Scott Walker looks like he’s about to cry – 1 drink

Marco Rubio agrees with another Republican candidate – 1 drink

Marco Rubio says ANYTHING in Spanish – 2 drinks

Mike Huckabee sounds intelligent on any issue – 4 drinks

Mike Huckabee sounds like a Democrat on any issue – 1 drink

Donald Trump touches his hair on camera – 1 drink

Donald Trump attacks one of the other RINO twits on stage – 2 drinks

Donald Trump mentions the Great Wall of China – 3 drinks

Donald Trump says someone/something is stupid – 2 drinks

The Moderators Hit a Buzzer to shut any of the candidates up – 1 drink

The Moderators sigh or roll their eyes – 2 drinks

I could add a lot more rules but the constant insane stupidity some of these losers will say will keep you hooked to an IV of Jim Beam or Johnny Walker Black. Pick your own poison, and please, do not hold this website responsible for your future liver illness.

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  • Posted by $ rockymountainpirate 5 years, 10 months ago
    GHB! I need some hair of the dog this morning, lol. Edited to fix a typo. I could also use some lemon and honey for my sore throat yelling at the dimwitted 'experts' who kept saying christy won.
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  • Posted by mccannon01 5 years, 10 months ago
    Holy Moly, Zen! I didn't need to see this before the debate to know the "rules". Was having supper during the 5pm debate so I only caught the highlights in the following rehash. Liked Carly!

    OK, I opened the first hour of the 9pm circus with a couple of cold bottles of Guinness Draught. At the second hour I said "screw it" and cracked open a bottle of Jack D. black. No ice in the freezer (crap!) so I sipped it warm and pure (yummy!). By the time it was over I definitely would like Megyn Kelly for president! She won all the questions! Oh wait, was she running? LOL!!!
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  • Posted by $ MichaelAarethun 5 years, 10 months ago
    Clamato with the raw egg and some Zaaschila or Miss Chiles makes my day with or without Woooster Sauce. Got to be full of vitaminas
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  • Posted by johnpe1 5 years, 10 months ago
    I watched the 9 o'clock show and was sad that I quit drinking
    four and a half years ago. . bought a texas fifth of Dewar's
    afterwards. . will drink a little and try not to remember. -- j
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