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Drafting Grandpa

Posted by $ MichaelAarethun 11 years ago to Humor
54 comments | Share | Best of... | Flag


For starters, researchers say 18-year-olds think about sex every 10 seconds. Old guys only think about sex a couple of times a month, leaving us more than 280,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy.

Young guys haven't lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier. 'My back hurts! I can't sleep, I'm tired and hungry.' We are bad-tempered and impatient, and maybe letting us kill some asshole that desperately deserves it will make us feel better and shut us up for a while..

An 18-year-old doesn't even like to get up before 10am. Old guys always get up early to pee, so what the hell. Besides, like I said, I'm tired and can't sleep and since I'm already up, I may as well be up killing some fanatical son-of-a-bitch.

If captured we couldn't spill the beans because we'd forget where we put them. In fact, name, rank, and serial number would be a real brainteaser.

Boot camp would be easier for old guys.. We're used to getting screamed and yelled at and we're used to soft food. We've also developed an appreciation for guns. We've been using them for years as an excuse to get out of the house, away from the screaming and yelling.

They could lighten up on the obstacle course however... I've been in combat and never saw a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over the side, nor did I ever do any pushups after completing basic training.

Actually, the running part is kind of a waste of energy, too... I've never seen anyone outrun a bullet.

An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He's still learning to shave, to start a conversation with a pretty girl. He still hasn't figured out that a baseball cap has a brim to shade his eyes, not the back of his head.

These are all great reasons to keep our kids at home to learn a little more about life before sending them off into harm's way.

Let us old guys track down those terrorists. The last thing an enemy would want to see is a couple million pissed off old farts with bad attitudes and automatic weapons, who know that their best years are already behind them.

HEY!! How about recruiting women over 50...in menopause!!! You think MEN have attitudes?? Ohhhhhhhhhhhh my God!!! If nothing else, put them on border patrol. They'll have it secured the first night!

Send this to all of your senior friends...in big type so they can read it.

All Comments

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  • Posted by johnpe1 10 years, 12 months ago in reply to this comment.
    well, we try! . I may be part Irish, also, or Scottish;;;
    we come by the frugality naturally. . we're with you,
    regardless. . you cannot be ready for a loss like a parent. -- j
    .
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  • Posted by Owlsrayne 10 years, 12 months ago
    I really don't have anything add. I can't think any more after laughing my butt off and blinded by tears.
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  • Posted by $ allosaur 10 years, 12 months ago in reply to this comment.
    Some how that road and the wind stuff appeals to my born on St. Paddy's Day while being 25% Irish (from my mama's side).
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  • Posted by johnpe1 10 years, 12 months ago in reply to this comment.
    always a Marine! . we're with you, allosaur. . may
    the road rise to meet you and the wind be at your back! -- john, not a Marine
    .
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  • Posted by johnpe1 10 years, 12 months ago
    now, this is a bull's-eye post, Michael;;; Way To Go!!! -- j
    .
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  • Posted by irrevo 10 years, 12 months ago
    When I was a kid my mom told me that Uncle Myron (Grandfather's brother) thought the minimum age for military service should be 70. Puzzled, I asked, "So they'd be to old to fight?"
    "No" she said, "so they'd be too smart to fight."
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  • Posted by waytodude 10 years, 12 months ago
    I shared this on Facebook about a month ago make me laugh then thought I need to get ready.
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  • Posted by Herb7734 10 years, 12 months ago
    Thank you M.A. I could have written that post. As a matter of fact, I think I probably did only at a different forum.
    Just give me an automatic rifle, several grenades, and let me get in my power chair and shoot the bastards to shreds.
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  • Posted by CircuitGuy 10 years, 12 months ago
    "Young guys haven't lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier. 'My back hurts! I can't sleep, I'm tired and hungry.' "
    I remember a conversation I had with a good friend and co-worker at the grocery store where we bagged groceries. After an 8 hour day, we had this odd little pain in our leg from shifting our weight all day in the same way to put groceries in the cats. The idea of something hurting from a daily activity and not an injury was a novelty. We really thought it was neat. Of course we knew it would go away by the next morning. I bet it would be different if I worked a job like that now at 40 y/o.
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  • Posted by BradA 10 years, 12 months ago
    The research regarding 18 year olds and sex is wrong. An 18 year old male actually never stops thinking about sex. This is why trying to get them to perform any other task is an uphill battle.
    Regarding the over 50 crowd and sex, the T shirt I'm wearing sums it up. "When I was a kid ... wait I still do that."
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  • Posted by samrigel 10 years, 12 months ago in reply to this comment.
    Condolences on your loss and I believe your Dad would want you to keep your sense of humor. Us old folk think that way.
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  • Posted by teri-amborn 10 years, 12 months ago
    As an ex-Army Sergeant, my husband says that there is a reason that the armed services recruit young people: They can't think yet.
    An older more mature adult would question a superior officer telling a squadron to get into a Chinook that is being sent into a hot LZ.
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  • Posted by $ jlc 10 years, 12 months ago
    From Mystery Men:
    PMS woman: "I only work 4 days a month. IS THAT A PROBLEM?"

    Jan
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  • Posted by NealS 10 years, 12 months ago
    I actually served, drafted at age 24, a little older than most, so I can attest to the truth of this whole article except for one part. The part about sex, it isn't true. At just over age 70 I still think about it daily.
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  • Posted by $ allosaur 10 years, 12 months ago
    I would prefer to die while shooting at ISIS, though this 68-year-old wants to stay off my aching feet in a vehicle, preferably one that shoots stuff that explodes. Odin!.
    (I'm Christian, but being half Scandinavian, I think screaming Odin when going down with a weapon in my hands is kinda cool),
    Both my parents died senile while enduring lingering deaths.
    My father passed yesterday. Today is his 98th birthday and he became a great-grandfather June 2nd.
    I have to wait all the way until Friday to go to his funeral after spending a night in a motel. His body is being moved from one state to another.
    I feel sadness as well as relief. Grief is not in the equation. I'm glad my father's suffering is over.
    I can even crack jokes.
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