Japanese revolutionaries plot to 'crush St Valentine's Day' (A MUST READ!)

Posted by Eudaimonia 6 years, 2 months ago to Culture
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Yes, by all that is reasonable, they are serious.

This article is just chock full of side-splitting Marxist nuttiness, such as "oppressive chocolate capitalists".

You're welcome.
SOURCE URL: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/asia/japan/11405651/Japanese-revolutionaries-plot-to-crush-St-Valentines-Day.html

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  • Posted by $ jlc 6 years, 2 months ago
    Jack the Slob and the Goddess of Love (by Leslie Fish)

    Jack the Slob to Venus prayed:
    “Grant this night I shall get laid,
    Tonight I shall get laid.”

    The Goddess said: “That shall I do,
    But first I ask three things of you.”

    “First, go clean your teeth and bod and hair,
    And change your week-old underwear.”

    “Next, put on clothes that flatter you:
    A clean T-shirt and jeans will do.”

    “Third, when a maid you would impress,
    Pray do not drool down her chest.”

    Jack replied: “No, thank you, Ma’am.
    Send me a girl who’ll take me as I am.”

    Venus said: “I’ll tell you what,
    Though I should kick your lazy butt.”

    “Perhaps ’twould be more fitting far
    To send you a maid who’ll take you as you are.”

    “Pray go at once to the city zoo,
    There you’ll find the maid for you.”

    There he went with hopes held high
    Until the ape house he came nigh.

    There a maiden him did view,
    And she was struck with passion true.

    Her hair was thick, her looks were free...
    Indeed, she was a lovely chimpanzee.

    She leapt the fence ere he could run,
    And seized him boldly by the bun.

    She dragged him swiftly to her lair.
    For all that I know, he may still be there.

    So, lazy swains, you’d best believe:
    You should not get the Goddess peeved.
    You should not get Her peeved!

    (song, and other pagan songs, available on her Avalon is Risen album)

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  • Posted by Robbie53024 6 years, 2 months ago
    While the Japanese are quite the collectivists (comes from living on an island), they haven't really been Marxist. This is curious.
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  • Posted by $ allosaur 6 years, 2 months ago
    "The blood-soaked conspiracy of Valentine's Day?"
    LOL! I can just see blood spurting and splashing all over the place as Japanese guys swing samurai swords to break in line at a candy shop. It's like that dance floor scene in Kill Bill 1.
    For the first time in years, I remember a little brother who would march off, swinging his arms and stamping his feet, when he did not get his way.
    That's what I get for reading childish commie rants.
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  • Posted by $ Thoritsu 6 years, 2 months ago
    This is hilarious! So many comments come to mind about what really makes up the reason weenie-boy got dumped by his girlfriend, but 90% are very non-PC.

    I recall a Time Magazine article on Japanese women, seeking western men because Japanese men were too chauvinistic/old school. The percentage of Japanese women that said they would date Japanese men was shockingly low!

    ...or maybe it's just that size does matter, particularly if you expect your wife to cook, clean and work, while you drink and look at cartoon porn all night.
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  • Posted by mso_apilgrim 6 years, 2 months ago
    Well, this Furusawa character seems out of place in the compliant Japanese culture. Apparently he did not succumb to the marketers of chocolate.

    I can only speculate that he may have missed White Day, March 14, when the males reciprocate giving chocolates and/or other gifts to females.

    To really be true to his calling, he should go to South Korea on April 14 to celebrate Black Day (unofficial), where singles commiserate by consuming dark/black foods.
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  • Posted by jimjamesjames 6 years, 2 months ago
    Interestingly, a few years ago my wife stated that Valentine's Day was a scam and declared that we would, henceforth, celebrate Wazoo Day, the day after, making sure those "chocolate capitalists" (not her words, of course) would have to wait a day before they got their lucre from me buying Chocolate...
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  • Posted by lloydwr53 6 years, 2 months ago
    OMG that is too funny! What a bunch of losers. Well I guess we can garner some relief that they are spending their energy on something relatively trivial.
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  • Posted by LibertyBelle 6 years, 2 months ago
    Not very surprising, in a country where men are
    traditionally not expected to try to please women,
    where it has long been the other way around.
    I'm alone, but at least I don't spit at happiness; in
    fact, I plan to go to a Valentine's Day dance at
    the country dance club, and take some choco-
    late there, too.
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  • Posted by Herb7734 6 years, 2 months ago
    This is the Charlie Brown Syndrome. He waits at the mailbox and never gets a Valentine card. Strange that they have left purveyors of roses out of their rants. Could it be that they have interests in flowers? If chocolates are forbidden, it would boost the sales of flowers. There's more here than meets the eye.
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  • Posted by woodlema 6 years, 2 months ago
    Oppressive chocolate capitalists? Okay and their exact point would be what? They want more chocolate and cannot afford it so since they cannot afford it nobody should have it?
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    • Posted by $ Susanne 6 years, 2 months ago
      More like no self-respecting woman would want to be with this guy (I think the reason for the helmet, glasses, and face scarf is he must be butt-uggy and personality-less) no matter how much chocolate he buys them, so let's blame the chocolate...

      Says it all:
      Kakuhido was founded in 2006 by Katsuhiro Furusawa, who started reading the Communist manifesto after being dumped by his girlfriend at Christmas - and swiftly concluded that not being popular with the opposite sex is a class issue...

      You sure he's not trying for Onion headlines? This sounds like something we would do as a Burning Man theme...
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      • Posted by 6 years, 2 months ago
        Susanne, see above.
        I'm serious about this seminar topic.
        Ugly on the inside translates to ugly on the outside.
        Stop being ugly on the inside, purge your inner Marx.
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        • Posted by $ Susanne 6 years, 2 months ago
          I really like the idea. You don't know the number of men who have no clue why they can't attract a "significant other", but aren't willing to look in a mirror, or who hold onto childish, immature beliefs or demands. You will make a bloody fortune, and for that I am impressed!
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  • Posted by JoleneMartens1982 6 years, 2 months ago
    Ok, so they are right, it has been overly exploited by media and businesses have capitalized, along with Christmas and many other holidays. But, are we seriously whining over being unattractive! That is the most pathetic thing I've heard in a long time. Why cant they just buy a hooker like all the respectable guys do?
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