Air horns will keep them REAL SHORT!...laughing

i get really tired of phone solicitors who call me and tell me they're calling to tell me about Social Security benefits I may be able to get that I am not getting now; I've said that I can go down to the Social Security office and find out. I don't need that kind of B.S. My pone is a landline and doesn't take messages. I can't tell who's calling unless I answer. But I've been making these conversations much shorter than they used to be.

Groucho Mark once said…

On safari in Africa, I once shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas, I’ll never know…

Ba dum bum…. Makes me chuckle every time.

Great batch !!!

I'd make a laminated sign like that, with a line and a space that says "TODAY it means:"
And Write in various meanings with a Dry Erase Marker.

That's a great comedic Prompt.

- The solution to xxx Theorem.
- Performance Reviews are going poorly!
- It's my Bitcoin Passphrase! Save it!
- It's a Rx called... Pharmacists Choice! (We use this for annoying patients...)
...

GREAT selection!

The Picasso one reminds me of R. Lee, in "Full Metal Jacket": You're so ugly, you could be a modern art masterpiece!

The dogs who don't have bicycles reminds me of my favorite dangling modifier:
There is a complete record of all fires set by arsonists in the fire marshal's desk.
What was in the desk? Arsonists. Fires. Fires set by arsonists. Or just records that didn't fit in the garage with the Corvette.

"Don't dump hot coffee on your crotch " in English and 2 almost English - awesome.

Thanks for the Friday chuckle.
Loved the potholes. Maybe Mayor Pete Buttigieg could fill enough potholes around the country with snow and save his dismal career. And then, maybe not.

That letter getting slid under the door ...
and the Picasso face lift...
Those snow filled potholes remind me of Wisconsin.
Thank you for the delightful collection Carl.

Key, isn't that other face in the bed a Gentle Giant album cover?

Me dino considered Alice and her supplies before I read the words underneath. Three seconds of consideration passed. Then I busted out laughing.
I hate telemarketers too. One I hate the worse I've nicknamed Radio Voice. He has a very distinctive way of voicing, "Is David there?" Back when social security numbers were on Medicare cards, he tried to get me to tell him my "Medicare card number." Since then he called me and he called me, saying, "Is David there?" to which I'd say "No" and pushed the "OFF" button on my phone. About a year ago he called and I responded by gushing, "Oh, yes, I am! How may I help you?" Then I pushed the "OFF" button. The very last he called I said, "Well, shee-it! Ain't you got nothing better to do on the freakin' Fourth Of July?!!!" Then I cut him off. So far he's skipped Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year's.
My regular doctor who I will see Monday (or every four months) about my Type 2 diabetes spells his name with a check mark. Neither CVS or Walgreens has a problem with that on prescriptions.

I'm gonna use a sound blaster and wait for SPAM callers on my cell phone.......I can't wait.

Just what I needed for today. Dealing with a canceled family cruise made the "emotional baggage" one particularly funny.

The wise doctor quote...My staff got that for me on a coffee cup lol

+1 Lmao Great job! They were all so good from Kahkeis to potholes, Picasso to pizza oven.
I laughed out loud at the emotional baggage 🧳

That's what Fridays are all about!...

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! OUC, I really needed the laughs just now. Picasso, pot holes, and pizza oven. I have to get one of those window decals!! LOL! A... E.... I... O... ka-bam!

Some days I awaken to wonder if last night I had Picasso Cosmetic surgery, cause something just doesn't seem right...Unimaginable!