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Historians Discover 1776 Document That Removes All Covid Mandates And Restrictions

Posted by $ allosaur 4 months ago to Humor
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Researchers with Independence National Historic Park have located an ancient document they say voids all mandates and restrictions.
The document, dating to 1776, is being referred to as "The Declaration of Independence" by park historians, who allege it details the existence of unalienable rights and that governments derive their power from the consent of the governed.
Wow! What an astounding revelation! That's some real out of the box thinking there! Bet Jesse Watters couldn't find a college student even remotely familiar with such quaint concepts.
"The fascinating thing about this document," said historian Clay Garrett, "is that it says King George III was a tyrant who did a bunch of things President Biden is doing right now. So I'm not really sure what to think."
In response to the find, the Supreme Court has granted a stay on all current vaccine and mask mandates, as well as every other stupid mandate on the books.
"BUT NOT SO FAST!" angrily proclaimed The Squad, protector of Marxist values long espoused by celebrity spokespersons and now some Woke jokes for CEOs.. The Squad has just revealed that the author of the declaration was authored by slimy racist slave owner, the now universally despised Thomas Jefferson.
So never mind! Rejoice that dumbed-down is what dumbed-down does.
SOURCE URL: https://babylonbee.com/news/historians-discover-document-from-1776-that-removes-all-mandates-and-restrictions


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  • Posted by $ jbrenner 4 months ago
    But when a long train of abuses and usurpations ,,,
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    • Posted by $ 4 months ago
      Up until very recently, Democrats hellbent on warping the USA into a one-party Marxist abomination love to bray about doing Schiff "to "save our democracy" like Schumer was carrying on just last week.
      They never say anything about "saving our Republic," though. Never.
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      • Posted by mccwho 4 months ago
        That is the problem I have with what they say.
        They keep saying to save our democracy.
        Everytime I hear them say this, I get angry and blurt out, "We are not a democracy, we are a republic, you idiot!"
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        • Posted by $ 4 months ago
          Me dino thinks that's psychological for just plain not wanting a republic.
          They prefer being the rabble-rousers of a mindless mob they can lead around by the ear.
          I recall a democracy being described as a mob, by the way.
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          • Posted by mccwho 4 months ago
            Exactly! A democracy is basically "Mod Rules".

            A republic, to them, means they have to be accountable to the Law, and can't deny even the smallest minority of people their rights, even those they disagree with.

            My t-shirt says, "The Constitution was created to limit the power of the government. Not for the government to limit the people."

            My other t-shirt quotes Thomas Jefferson, "Free men do not have to ask for permission to bear arms."
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