CNN Hires Trump As News Anchor To Recover Lost Viewers

Posted by $ allosaur 2 weeks, 5 days ago to Humor
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Well, Trump DID say CNN's ratings would plunge in he was no longer their tongue-lashing target in the White house. Now CNN is saved!
During his first night on the job, Trump simply yelled about election fraud for two hours. Then in true CNN form, the rest of that nutcase network's talking heads just yelled about Trump yelling about election fraud.
In the Bee's "Related Articles," the only one of six that relates is some silly old Fake News story the New York Times coulda wrote about Trump when he was still president.
In that section you're better off reading "Gov. Whitmer Refuses To Throw Ring Of Power Into The Fires Of Mount Doom."
In "Must Read," you must read about two happily smiling "Local Christian Parents Pay University $100,000 To Totally Destroy 18 Years Of Their Hard Work." Yeah, poor Junior gets himself into twisted into a sad Woke joke who loathes his skin-color and graduates to join the unemployment lines.
In "Don't Miss," don't miss reading "Hollywood Elites Rush To Normalize Pedophilia Before They're All Outed (aka Ratted Out) By Ghislaine Maxwell" who is miraculously tick tick tick still alive.
Yet for those elites, as Obama would tell it, there is hope for change. "Honestly, the timing couldn't be better, says Oscar-wining Kelvin Smacey. "If this whole Epstein Island thing had come out before we fully integrated things like transgender children and Drag Queen Story Hour into mainstream values, we'd be totally doomed."
WHOA! The Hollywood Elites story has disappeared! I just typed and posted late this afternoon off notes made before noon today. Sorry, y'all. Red China runs Hollywood now and maybe Commies don't like their groveling Tinsel Town useful idiots messed with.
You'll just have to settle for not missing "Don't Miss" stuff like Baptists having a full immersion car wash. Don't recall seeing that 'un earlier.
SOURCE URL: https://babylonbee.com/news/cnn-hires-trump-as-news-anchor-to-recover-lost-viewers


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